A Question About Identity

The question after lunch went like this, “Why do you think they’re so invested in this thing?”

I initially responded, “I have no idea”.

Then…all of a sudden…I said, “Wait, I know EXACTLY why. Because their identity is so wrapped up in this that if it ever failed or if they left, they would lose part of themselves.”

It was so powerful that I couldn’t even believe I said it – I just didn’t understand this before that moment. It’s all about IDENTITY.

I’ve heard Jim Robbins and John Lynch write/speak about this. I’ve read other authors that touched on this, but not directly.

The reason we defend something so fiercely, the reason we hold on to something to strongly, and the reason we spiral into a depression when it’s no longer there – is that we attach our personal identity to a THING or a PERSON.

Here’s the danger – THINGS by nature cannot last forever. PEOPLE are certainly mortal, and they have the propensity to let us down because they are not perfect. So when we attach our identity to a PERSON or a THING, we are on a collision course that ends up in a fireball.

Here’s how I know this…because I do this.

- I am a business owner and an entrepreneur. When my business is good, I am happy. When my business is not good, I’m not. To go deeper, when my business tanked in 2009, it sent me to the hospital eventually with panic attacks. I haven’t hit a home run, let alone an extra base hit in like 3 years. I have this voice in my head, that won’t go away. It tells me I’m a failure in business. I had my shot. I blew it. Success is for someone else. This paralyzes me sometimes. What’s the truth?

- I was a member of a church for 40 years, and a leader there for 20. When I resigned from leadership, I was lost. When I left the church, it was traumatic. Even though Arlene and I clearly heard God call us to do this, the little doubts from others that we are quitting or just bitter hurt me and instead of thanking God for doing something great in our life, I obsess over the handful of doubters – not the people that cheer us on. Can’t I just trust God in this? I’m missing the blessing because I’m focusing on the negative?

Here’s some more…

- I was a coach for 24 years. When I stopped coaching for a season, I felt lost.

- I am a pleaser. If I sense, or know that a person doesn’t like me for some reason, it’s powerful enough to derail my other friendships because I will obsess about the one person that doesn’t like me.

- I am a provider. When I could no longer provided income for my family, when I had to lay off staff, it caused me to go into a mild depression. Hell, it still bothers me that I had to lay off people that did good work and I loved deeply. Sometimes it totally takes a productive day away from me.

- I need to know I’m right. So I enjoy when people agree with me and validate my thoughts and beliefs. There’s safety in numbers, right? If 10 people agree with me, but 1 disagrees, I’m toast. I will obsess over the 1 person.

- Silly, but I am a White Sox fan, and believe it or not, some days my mood is based on the fact the Sox won or lost. Is this normal behavior?

- I am a father. When I have a bad day as a father, and I let my kids down, it bothers me. I then begin to believe I am not a good father at all.

- I am a husband. There are days when I really screw up as a partner and I let Arlene down. It makes me think I am a bad husband.

There’s more, but I think you get the point. Attaching my identity to someone, or something has no positive value to me.
Many of the things I am believing are lies – maybe it’s my enemy, but mostly it’s my own mind.

Yes….this is a battle over my mind. Not my heart. That battle is over. My heart is good. It’s my mind that needs to be renewed. Until I start to live out of who God says I am, I can never really live well. Until I stop obsessing over what other people think about me, I can never really love all people well. Until I begin to separate my identity from my outcomes, I will be paralyzed.

It’s all about identity. Once I understand this in myself, and in others, I can start living a more peaceful life.

When people defend their truth, when they defend their institution, when they question me – it’s not personal. They’re defending their identity. Can I be strong enough to live out of who God says I am? Can I go one step further and see people as God sees them – looking past their behaviors and words and into what’s really happening?

What have you discovered about your identity? Have you experienced trauma yourself in regards to ‘losing your identity’ when you no longer had that thing or person in your life?

I’d love for you to share your thoughts and pass on to friends too.

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The Year Of Being Reborn – Final Installment

This is the final installment of a 3-part story. I hope you’ve enjoyed my Year Of Being Reborn series.

Click Here To Read Part 1

Click Here To Read Part 2

The following is an unedited message I wrote to my staff on July 20, 2010.  It was written after a very vivid experience in my office one afternoon. I hope you find encouragement in this. It describes a moment in my office with Papa, and what I can only describe as a prophetic flow as I describe the future of the business to my staff…

This might be heavy.  I want you to know I’m sober, hopefully, happy, and peaceful as I write this.  I need to share with you what God has been saying to me this week.  (Yes, I hear God.  No, he does not sound like George Burns or the actor in the Ten Commandments movies.  It’s a still small voice that comes when I sit still or when I run.  It’s not audible, it’s like a thought, except I know it’s not mine.  It’s available to anyone who believes they can hear it.  It also comes in dreams and other amazing ways I won’t get into. But I didn’t hear him like this until I went through “the episode” last fall.  Everything changed for me on September 28).

So at the risk of freaking you out, but fully trusting you guys to see this with me, here it goes….

Remember when the Israelites were pinned between the Red Sea and the armies of Egypt?  God impressed that picture on me today.

The Israelites had 4 choices:

#1 Swim – Only a small percentage of people would make it, the rest would die, and they’d lose all their stuff.  Not a good plan.

#2 Fight – None of the Israelites were trained to battle. Bad idea. The men would have been slaughtered and the women and children and their stuff would have been dragged back to Egypt

#3 Surrender – Give up and go back to Egypt, I’m guessing the work would have been exponentially tough and they would have been beaten daily, never to leave again. Not good.

#4 Trust – I don’t know if any Israelite saw this as an option, even given the butt-kicking God put on the Egyptians to get them out.  Moses turned to the sea and lifted out his arms to the sea, and God held back the army and drew back the sea for them.  God purposely led them to a dead end so he could demonstrate his power to the people of Israel and to the people of the world (I bet this story got a lot of play for generations).

You all might think I’m nuts, but I firmly believe that God is doing and preparing something so amazing, that he’s led us to a dead end, just to show us his power.  What he has planned for us in the future is so big, we could not do it on our own.  Therefore, we need to learn TRUST before he can allow this to manifest.

Isn’t it actually laughable how much has gone wrong in this past year, and just in the past month?  We had to laugh today at the sheer number of vendors and situations that just simply vanish into thin air.  It’s really amazing.  Unless Matt and I have totally forgotten everything we learned about business and marketing, there cannot be another explanation.  Yes, I know it’s tough out there for many, many people, but I think he’s using that as well to allow us the joy of trials to firm our foundation.  And don’t give me any lines about the devil.  Don’t even go there.  He’s been defeated, all he’s got is deception.

I’m going to do something totally out of my character and something I have failed to do for 16 months.  Wait and Trust.  For the first time really since we started to hit financial issues in March of 2009, I’m totally at peace with what’s happening here.  It’s totally against what any guru would tell you, but I am going to stop striving to make this work. In Jesus sermon, he says, “Blessed are you when you are at the end of your rope”.  We’re not out of clients or opportunity, but we’re running on E and the gas station is nowhere in sight – yet, I am totally believing that’s where God wants us and is just waiting for us to get off the treadmill and wait for him.  If you look at my schedule, God isn’t even allowing me enough time in my day to worry about business.  It’s funny.  I’m busy taking care of the kids and the house.  I have to be very creative to find large chunks of time to concentrate.

The fact that we are still in business after everything is a miracle.

The fact that Matt and I are going through this without any major conflicts between us is a miracle.  We should be arguing daily about the struggles, but we don’t.

No one has prayed longer and harder for things to turn around.  But God showed me today that my prayers are AGAINST what he’s preparing for us.  I failed to seek his heart about everything, and simply asked for rescue and “to go back to Egypt” (the way things were).  He told me that he wouldn’t allow it.  It’s not part of the destiny.  Stop praying for me to rescue the business and figure it out, and start praying for the future to manifest according to his plan.  Starting praying for peace in the process so that I can endure and understand.  Rescue is not a prayer he intends to answer, but reinvention and restoration is a prayer he’s in the middle of answering.

God has assured me that his hand in on this business.  That does not translate into profits, in case I need to remind you   But what it means is, is that he is controlling the situation, and arranging things according to what’s best for each one of us and for those we will touch in the future.  This business has a destiny, and so does each of us.  I don’t know the specifics, but God is starting to show things, and it not only is amazing, it totally explains years of experiences and trials I’ve endured to be ready for it.  He’s got a tremendous call for this business that is so unlike anything you would expect, it has to be hidden and refined to make it ready.  It’s about restoration and revival of people and ideas, and it’s going to capture the hearts of thousands.  Money will not be the goal of the business, but money will come and it will be in abundance so much that it will pay off the debts of the business and restore the personal accounts that have been depleted over the past few years.

It will be wildly successful, but it will not define us.  It will be defined for how we restore and revive people and ideas, and for how much affect this has on those that work in it. It’s going to be something that churches have been called to do, but never figured out.  It will at times seem like ministry, and other times be just business.  It will be so unique that people will flock to it and really not understand it, except for what it does for them.  People will find their purpose and rediscover what was lost.  This is not fluffy life coach stuff, this is real – solid advice and solid strategies to turn a life around and the business as well.

Here’s the cool thing – I don’t think he’s going to just show me, or just show Matt what this is.  He’s going to also show you guys things that you will bring forward to enhance the mosaic that’s being built.  So start asking God to show you this, and bring forward what’s on your heart.  And even if he tells you your season here is over, don’t worry, it’s part of the plan.  But if he shows you something and you see it as part of this business, bring it forward.

It’s very key for us in this time to stay positive, stay hopeful, and find joy.  I can’t stress that enough.  When we fret, worry, strive, or try to do this on our own power, it will derail us.  We must not fear.  Fear will suck us into places that are difficult to escape from.  It’s got to be about staying in the place of TRUST even when the army is bearing down and the sea is so close our sandals are wet.  Even then, the best option is to trust.

I hope this encourages you more than it freaks you out, but I’m just sharing what I am hearing and seeing. it’s clearer to me than looking out the windows here. It will be great, and I’m going to accept and enjoy the process until we get there.

After writing this note, I called Matt and explained to him that I was absolutely sure that there was going to be something big happening the very next week.  It seemed perfect, because both Matt and our PM Justin were out of town.  I was absolutely sure something was going to happen the next week.

Here’s what happened just 8 days later, on July 28 (You see how Daddy keeps doing things on the 28^th for me?  Strange, huh?)…

I was having an awesome phone conversation with my friend, Jim Robbins.  Jim and I were talking  about  a number of things, but mostly focusing on some really frustrating things happening in our lives and businesses.  We both had opportunity to encourage each other and that is why it’s awesome to have Kingdom friends.  They reveal Father’s heart to you.

After we hung up, I checked email, and Matt and I received a message from a former client that we completed work for in 2008. I am going to call him J.  Matt kept tabs with J since then.  J decided to take a copywriting position with a very prestigious and well-known information publishing firm (a firm that does a solid 9 figures in revenue and one we’ve always studied and admired as a model info-business.)  In this email, J revealed that he introduced a marketing strategy Matt and I had been using for our clients to his boss. They liked the idea and began using it.  Turns out that this little strategy we showed J made his new firm several million dollars!

Needless to say, this firm was ecstatic.  So much so, that J’s boss wanted to speak to us, and hire us to come in and work with them to develop more strategies.

Within 14 days of this call from J, Matt and I had a signed contract from a firm that we had only dreamed of working with, had never sent a single piece of marketing to, and had to do absolutely no “selling” to come to an agreement on a contract.

Now, what does that say about Daddy?  He reveals to me that he wants to show me his power, and that I am to sit and wait for him to do it.  8 days later we hear from J who we worked with 2 years prior and is getting us connected to a firm we absolutely would have died to work with.  One in which we had to do no marketing, no selling, and no negotiation.

This is the Daddy we have. He loves to do things for his kids.  Did I do anything to receive this gift? No.  I was not fasting. I was not naming and claiming it.  All I did was come to the throne room as a broken, humble child, asking my Daddy for help.  He chose to do this, and his requirement was to wait.  I cannot believe he acted so quickly, and acted with such extravagance.   All we can do is humbly thank him, and go work on this project with all our gusto.

So 2 days ago, I was sitting in the amazing boardroom of this client, celebrating a high point which a year ago was a low point.  It just so happens  September 28 was a perfect day for this client to meet.  (Of course it was J )

Let me tell you.  It was a phenomenal day.  We did great work together and put together an amazing plan with this client.  I am loving what Daddy is doing, and can’t wait to see what else he has planned.

I hope this story reminds me to not strive in the future.  I hope I remember that my Daddy loves to work for me, and it’s not even work at all to him.  If I just rest in what he’s doing and run where he’s made a path, I will find abundant  joy.

I hope you’ve been inspired by my story, because I am.  It’s not boasting because I have nothing to do with it.  I cannot believe what my year has been like, and I just know the years ahead will be full of joy as I walk out my life with Father.

While this is the end of this series, the story is still unfolding…and certainly, to be continued.

Peace.

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Recover Your Good Heart – Jim Robbins

Editor’s Note: The podcast is 1pm EST, not 2pm as previously stated.

We’ll be interviewing Jim Robbins again today on the radio show/podcast at 1pm EST.  As you know, Jim is the author of “Recover Your Good Heart”.  Perhaps you’ve read it, or maybe you’ve heard us mentioning it.  For those that enjoy the book the old fashioned way, you know, cover – paper – ink – so 20th century!  You can get the book on Amazon.

However, for the 21st century readers, Jim has made the book available as an ebook on his website for a limited time.  So Click Here To Visit Jim’s Site To Read “Recover Your Good Heart”.

Hope to have you join us live today, or you can listen in iTunes!

Bob.

Popularity: 14%