Jesus Paid It All, All To Him I Owe?

When I’ve sung this song, it often produced feelings of guilt and stirred feelings of “I gotta pay you back, Jesus.  Thanks for covering me. My turn.”

I’ve heard people say many times, “You’ve got to count the cost of following Jesus. It’s going to cost you everything.”

What does that mean?  Isn’t grace free?

We live in a culture where we demand equality.  Especially in financial matters.  We will not allow someone to give us anything without feeling obligated to send something in return.

When we get a great gift, we feel obligated to give a great gift back.

We get increasingly competitive at Christmas, and constantly try to out-do each other.

We never want to be in a position of “owing” anybody anything.  We try to make good with anyone that we’ve been given something from, because we’re totally uncomfortable until we even up.

We do this with the crucifixion.  We try and put ourselves into a state where we grieve over and over for Jesus and the beating he took for us.  We cannot stand that Jesus had to suffer and die FOR ALL THE SINS I’VE DONE.  We drive up the “debt” of guilt and spend all our time working to free ourselves from that debt.  All our service and activity is geared toward relieving that guilt.  That makes us feel better.

What did Jesus really demand when he talked about “the cost” of following him?  Could he mean something way different than money?

One of my friends sent me an email a while back, and he said he had a dream about me.  In his dream, he was watching a man shovel hay in from a huge pile into a bigger barn.  The man was doing the work himself.  On a bench away from the action, another man was sitting there watching the other man do all the work.  At closer inspection, my friend identified the man working as Jesus (don’t know how, but he knew), and the man sitting on the bench was me! Jesus turned to my friend and told him that the work he was doing was for Bob and he looked over at me on the bench.

When I heard of the dream, immediately I had 2 reactions – I am seriously allergic to hay, so the thought of taking a pitchfork and shoveling hay into a barn on a hot day closes my lungs up.  Yet even with my aversion to hay and what it would do to me physically, I felt really guilty and had a desire in my heart to pick up the fork and help him.

Then it hit me with 100-ton force – I am a bad receiver.  I cannot accept grace from anyone — even Jesus himself.

I HATE receiving gifts, and NEVER feel comfortable receiving anything for free.  I always position myself as the giver, and absolutely love giving the bigger and better gifts and the feeling that produced in me.  I never allow myself the grace to receive anything from anybody without giving back in return.

Strip that all away and it is nothing more than pride and false humility.  It’s not humility at all – it’s sin.

So when I had my breakdown, and I had to give up everything, I had to let Jesus start doing things for me. I had to let others start doing things for. It made me really uncomfortable.  I mean physically uncomfortable.

Think about that dream.  It was as if I was embarrassed and unable to allow Jesus to work for me.  I wanted to take his place even in a state of weakness.  How in the world do I resolve in my mind that me doing something like shoveling a mountain of hay is not something I can allow Jesus to do for me, even if it will kill me?  I remember Peter had the same issue.  “Jesus you ain’t washing my feet, dude.”

Jesus WANTS to do the work. The work would kill me, but for him it’s easy and enjoyable.  Why is it so hard to let someone else do the work for me, let alone my brother and savior Jesus Christ? This attitude makes it impossible for me to accept grace from him, or get it from others.  I just could not receive anything from anybody, especially God himself.

I have to think that in the scheme of things, this extended season I am going through is as much about me giving up the things which drove me – pride, approval of others, being the giver not the receiver, always being the “fall guy”, doing the work myself when others need to do it, taking financial and emotional responsibility for people that willingly give it up to me, always being the “responsible one”, never accepting a handout, never accepting a gift with grace, and countless other flaws.

Letting all of this go has been painful – for me and those around me.  People are confused, upset, and judgmental.  It’s been a horrible ride for people that counted on me in the past, and I can no longer provide the support or be counted on doing the work. There’s people I even owe things to that I cannot pay back right now.

I am in a season where I am limited in what I can do, and limited in where I feel free to roam.  My “ministry or service” is nothing anyone would sanction with a budget or fanfare.  Loving people one at a time and engaging them in conversation seems too simple and small, yet it’s what he’s showing me to do.

He’s got my spiritual life, my business, and my relationships in a purifying fire to burn away all the crap that I’ve allowed to pile on.  I’m betting there’s a lot of crap in that hay pile that Jesus needs to shovel away too.  It’s getting to the pure gold and burning away the garbage I’ve built up on it.

I am accepting the fact that Jesus paid it all. I am accepting the fact I don’t have to pay him back.  I am accepting the fact that in this season I will let a lot of people down that used to count on me, and people will continue to question, judge, and be upset with my lack of action.  There are people that have given me financial help, physical help, spiritual help, and advice for which I am unable to pay back now, or maybe ever.

My life has been simplified to a being totally engaged with Father, Spirit, and Son and figuring that out without distraction.  Being totally engaged with my wife and daughters  and family in a new way.  Getting real with a few old and new friends who are accepting this new me and totally supporting me, even while going through their own process. Being a person that lives in the moment, and has eyes to see what’s going on around me right now and totally live in that.

My question to you is this – are you trying to pay back a debt for something you cannot pay? Is Jesus someone you accept gifts from, or accept and try to pay back?  Are you able to accept gifts from others?  What have you experienced?

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Striving versus Taking Action? An Interview with Jim Robbins

On this show, we are privileged to have on as our guest, Jim Robbins, author of the book, Recover Your Good Heart. We have enjoyed Jim’s writings, podcasts, and interviews in the past, and we’re excited to have him speak with us on the topic of “Striving versus Taking Action?”. How do we approach business from a “place of rest”? How do we maintain our edge as entrepreneurs by being decisive and taking action without crossing the line and running our business by our own power? These and other questions will be bantered about by our guest Jim Robbins, and your hosts Matthew Gillogly and Bob Regnerus.

Popularity: 5%

The Works Addiction

In just a couple weeks, Matt and I will be interviewing Darin Hufford, author of, The Misunderstood God on our semi-regular podcast.  The book he wrote is a powerful presentation of who God is, using the familiar words in 1 Corinthians 13.  Darin’s contention is that God is Love, and therefore, is we study love, we can know God better.  This book changed my life, and I think it will change yours as well.

In this article reprinted below, Darin touches on a subject that is close to my heart, and one I wrote about not too long ago.  (In case you missed it, here’s the blog post “I Don’t Love You For What You Do, I Love You For Who You Are.” This article from Darin reinforces a truth that Papa is revealing to me, and I hope it encourages you as well. – Bob Regnerus

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Several years ago, a young lady who was friends with my wife and I, flew out to Arizona to meet with me personally. She informed me that she felt like God had told her to come to Phoenix and Darin would give her a “word” from the Lord. I’m sure you can imagine the pressure that this type of a set-up puts on someone. Immediately, my mind begins to search frantically for something super spiritual and profound to tell her that would make her trip worth it. In my early years of being a pastor, something like this would make me want to quit my job and move out of the country.

Unfortunately this is quite a common thing in the Pentecostal world. People will travel from conference to conference chasing the latest “prophet” or evangelist in the off chance that he or she might have a “word” for them. Our friend was no different. She wanted to know what God wanted her to do.

As she and I walked through the grocery store picking up food for dinner that night, Iinformed her that God had given me the answer to her question. He had given me the “word” that she came for. I told her that I could give it to her right there in the produce section of Safeway, or we could wait until we were home in a more private setting. She immediately got a look of nervousness on her face. She had spent about three hundred dollars on a plane ticket, countless hours in prayer and meditation, and now she was about to get her answer. It all came down to this. She didn’t want to wait. She told me, “Give it to me now – I want to know what God wants from me.”

We stopped by the eggplants and I reached out and took both of her hands in mine and looked deep into her eyes. She was quiet with anticipation. I said;

“Nothing.”

“He doesn’t want anything from you.”

I have found that a common concern that people have when they’re first introduced to the grace message is whether or not it’s okay to stop “doing” stuff for God. When they hear that our relationship with God is not based on works, they worry that they might become lazy and unfruitful for God’s kingdom in the name of grace. I’ve watched many people “play it safe” and continue their works lifestyle while trying to embrace and understand the grace message. It just feels so free-riding and irresponsible. It feels like you’re taking advantage of God and using His grace as an excuse to do nothing. Many people spent most of their lives talking down to people who don’t do as much for God as them, and now the prospect of becoming slothful and lax, is more than they can bear.

Many people prefer to believe that it’s not about works, but they still want to do the works, just in case. Their works soothe them when they feel especially sinful and undeserving. Works are like a security blanket for the Christian who isn’tcomfortable getting something for free. It washes that humbling and vulnerable feeling away and replaces it with a self-deserving sentiment. I have found that for many people, works is like that secret pacifier they don’t even know they’re addicted to. Like the alcoholic who says, “I’m not addicted – I can quit whenever I want.” Once they try to quit, however, they find a different reality exploding in their face.

Most charismatics will tell you flat out that “salvation is not by works,” but by grace. They’ve memorized the verse and have learned to quote it boldly and powerfully, but the reality of their religion is that they don’t believe a word of it. I have yet to meet an Assembly of God pastor who wouldn’t tell you that salvation is by grace alone, but interestingly they will say in the same sentence that they can’t wait to get to heaven and hear those wonderful words from Jesus’ mouth…

“Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

The truth is, the works mentality is like a poisonous fog that has infected the surface of every aspect of institutional Christianity. Once I left the Institution and had a few years away, I began to see how much of my religion was works-based. I was astonished to find that the performance-based belief system accounted for about 99% of what I was taught. It is so prevalent in Christian thinking today, that most of us don’t even see how inundated with it we are. This is why some Free Believers living in the wild sometimes go into an all out panic attack when they find themselves doing nothing.

It has been my experience that a person cannot fully comprehend the truth of God’s love and grace until they intentionally stop doing everything.

They have to stop witnessing to others. They have to stop fasting, praying and having fellowship. They have to quit worshiping and cease all serving and volunteering. They have to put down their bibles and stop reading and studying. They have to quit giving or paying their tithe, and in many circumstances they need to quit attending church altogether.Everything they feel they need to do in order to be a strong Christian and pleasing to God, needs to be put down, given up, and completely abandoned. It all has to go.

I have found that people literally have to become intentionally lazy and idle before their eyes can be opened to the beauty and simplicity of God’s grace. Any amount of works will not only hinder the process of grace, but it blurs the vision and makes it impossible to see or understand. Our need for works is the very thing that causes one to fall from grace. It’s that serious!

Once a person breathes in the grace of God and understands that they are loved unconditionally and they are forever safe with Him; they begin to produce things that look like works to the untrained eye, but in reality it’s not work at all. It’s fruit. It happens naturally and without effort because it blooms from love and grace.

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Darin Hufford is the author of, The Misunderstood God, available all all online and local book retailers.

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