The Year Of Being Reborn – Final Installment

This is the final installment of a 3-part story. I hope you’ve enjoyed my Year Of Being Reborn series.

Click Here To Read Part 1

Click Here To Read Part 2

The following is an unedited message I wrote to my staff on July 20, 2010.  It was written after a very vivid experience in my office one afternoon. I hope you find encouragement in this. It describes a moment in my office with Papa, and what I can only describe as a prophetic flow as I describe the future of the business to my staff…

This might be heavy.  I want you to know I’m sober, hopefully, happy, and peaceful as I write this.  I need to share with you what God has been saying to me this week.  (Yes, I hear God.  No, he does not sound like George Burns or the actor in the Ten Commandments movies.  It’s a still small voice that comes when I sit still or when I run.  It’s not audible, it’s like a thought, except I know it’s not mine.  It’s available to anyone who believes they can hear it.  It also comes in dreams and other amazing ways I won’t get into. But I didn’t hear him like this until I went through “the episode” last fall.  Everything changed for me on September 28).

So at the risk of freaking you out, but fully trusting you guys to see this with me, here it goes….

Remember when the Israelites were pinned between the Red Sea and the armies of Egypt?  God impressed that picture on me today.

The Israelites had 4 choices:

#1 Swim – Only a small percentage of people would make it, the rest would die, and they’d lose all their stuff.  Not a good plan.

#2 Fight – None of the Israelites were trained to battle. Bad idea. The men would have been slaughtered and the women and children and their stuff would have been dragged back to Egypt

#3 Surrender – Give up and go back to Egypt, I’m guessing the work would have been exponentially tough and they would have been beaten daily, never to leave again. Not good.

#4 Trust – I don’t know if any Israelite saw this as an option, even given the butt-kicking God put on the Egyptians to get them out.  Moses turned to the sea and lifted out his arms to the sea, and God held back the army and drew back the sea for them.  God purposely led them to a dead end so he could demonstrate his power to the people of Israel and to the people of the world (I bet this story got a lot of play for generations).

You all might think I’m nuts, but I firmly believe that God is doing and preparing something so amazing, that he’s led us to a dead end, just to show us his power.  What he has planned for us in the future is so big, we could not do it on our own.  Therefore, we need to learn TRUST before he can allow this to manifest.

Isn’t it actually laughable how much has gone wrong in this past year, and just in the past month?  We had to laugh today at the sheer number of vendors and situations that just simply vanish into thin air.  It’s really amazing.  Unless Matt and I have totally forgotten everything we learned about business and marketing, there cannot be another explanation.  Yes, I know it’s tough out there for many, many people, but I think he’s using that as well to allow us the joy of trials to firm our foundation.  And don’t give me any lines about the devil.  Don’t even go there.  He’s been defeated, all he’s got is deception.

I’m going to do something totally out of my character and something I have failed to do for 16 months.  Wait and Trust.  For the first time really since we started to hit financial issues in March of 2009, I’m totally at peace with what’s happening here.  It’s totally against what any guru would tell you, but I am going to stop striving to make this work. In Jesus sermon, he says, “Blessed are you when you are at the end of your rope”.  We’re not out of clients or opportunity, but we’re running on E and the gas station is nowhere in sight – yet, I am totally believing that’s where God wants us and is just waiting for us to get off the treadmill and wait for him.  If you look at my schedule, God isn’t even allowing me enough time in my day to worry about business.  It’s funny.  I’m busy taking care of the kids and the house.  I have to be very creative to find large chunks of time to concentrate.

The fact that we are still in business after everything is a miracle.

The fact that Matt and I are going through this without any major conflicts between us is a miracle.  We should be arguing daily about the struggles, but we don’t.

No one has prayed longer and harder for things to turn around.  But God showed me today that my prayers are AGAINST what he’s preparing for us.  I failed to seek his heart about everything, and simply asked for rescue and “to go back to Egypt” (the way things were).  He told me that he wouldn’t allow it.  It’s not part of the destiny.  Stop praying for me to rescue the business and figure it out, and start praying for the future to manifest according to his plan.  Starting praying for peace in the process so that I can endure and understand.  Rescue is not a prayer he intends to answer, but reinvention and restoration is a prayer he’s in the middle of answering.

God has assured me that his hand in on this business.  That does not translate into profits, in case I need to remind you   But what it means is, is that he is controlling the situation, and arranging things according to what’s best for each one of us and for those we will touch in the future.  This business has a destiny, and so does each of us.  I don’t know the specifics, but God is starting to show things, and it not only is amazing, it totally explains years of experiences and trials I’ve endured to be ready for it.  He’s got a tremendous call for this business that is so unlike anything you would expect, it has to be hidden and refined to make it ready.  It’s about restoration and revival of people and ideas, and it’s going to capture the hearts of thousands.  Money will not be the goal of the business, but money will come and it will be in abundance so much that it will pay off the debts of the business and restore the personal accounts that have been depleted over the past few years.

It will be wildly successful, but it will not define us.  It will be defined for how we restore and revive people and ideas, and for how much affect this has on those that work in it. It’s going to be something that churches have been called to do, but never figured out.  It will at times seem like ministry, and other times be just business.  It will be so unique that people will flock to it and really not understand it, except for what it does for them.  People will find their purpose and rediscover what was lost.  This is not fluffy life coach stuff, this is real – solid advice and solid strategies to turn a life around and the business as well.

Here’s the cool thing – I don’t think he’s going to just show me, or just show Matt what this is.  He’s going to also show you guys things that you will bring forward to enhance the mosaic that’s being built.  So start asking God to show you this, and bring forward what’s on your heart.  And even if he tells you your season here is over, don’t worry, it’s part of the plan.  But if he shows you something and you see it as part of this business, bring it forward.

It’s very key for us in this time to stay positive, stay hopeful, and find joy.  I can’t stress that enough.  When we fret, worry, strive, or try to do this on our own power, it will derail us.  We must not fear.  Fear will suck us into places that are difficult to escape from.  It’s got to be about staying in the place of TRUST even when the army is bearing down and the sea is so close our sandals are wet.  Even then, the best option is to trust.

I hope this encourages you more than it freaks you out, but I’m just sharing what I am hearing and seeing. it’s clearer to me than looking out the windows here. It will be great, and I’m going to accept and enjoy the process until we get there.

After writing this note, I called Matt and explained to him that I was absolutely sure that there was going to be something big happening the very next week.  It seemed perfect, because both Matt and our PM Justin were out of town.  I was absolutely sure something was going to happen the next week.

Here’s what happened just 8 days later, on July 28 (You see how Daddy keeps doing things on the 28^th for me?  Strange, huh?)…

I was having an awesome phone conversation with my friend, Jim Robbins.  Jim and I were talking  about  a number of things, but mostly focusing on some really frustrating things happening in our lives and businesses.  We both had opportunity to encourage each other and that is why it’s awesome to have Kingdom friends.  They reveal Father’s heart to you.

After we hung up, I checked email, and Matt and I received a message from a former client that we completed work for in 2008. I am going to call him J.  Matt kept tabs with J since then.  J decided to take a copywriting position with a very prestigious and well-known information publishing firm (a firm that does a solid 9 figures in revenue and one we’ve always studied and admired as a model info-business.)  In this email, J revealed that he introduced a marketing strategy Matt and I had been using for our clients to his boss. They liked the idea and began using it.  Turns out that this little strategy we showed J made his new firm several million dollars!

Needless to say, this firm was ecstatic.  So much so, that J’s boss wanted to speak to us, and hire us to come in and work with them to develop more strategies.

Within 14 days of this call from J, Matt and I had a signed contract from a firm that we had only dreamed of working with, had never sent a single piece of marketing to, and had to do absolutely no “selling” to come to an agreement on a contract.

Now, what does that say about Daddy?  He reveals to me that he wants to show me his power, and that I am to sit and wait for him to do it.  8 days later we hear from J who we worked with 2 years prior and is getting us connected to a firm we absolutely would have died to work with.  One in which we had to do no marketing, no selling, and no negotiation.

This is the Daddy we have. He loves to do things for his kids.  Did I do anything to receive this gift? No.  I was not fasting. I was not naming and claiming it.  All I did was come to the throne room as a broken, humble child, asking my Daddy for help.  He chose to do this, and his requirement was to wait.  I cannot believe he acted so quickly, and acted with such extravagance.   All we can do is humbly thank him, and go work on this project with all our gusto.

So 2 days ago, I was sitting in the amazing boardroom of this client, celebrating a high point which a year ago was a low point.  It just so happens  September 28 was a perfect day for this client to meet.  (Of course it was J )

Let me tell you.  It was a phenomenal day.  We did great work together and put together an amazing plan with this client.  I am loving what Daddy is doing, and can’t wait to see what else he has planned.

I hope this story reminds me to not strive in the future.  I hope I remember that my Daddy loves to work for me, and it’s not even work at all to him.  If I just rest in what he’s doing and run where he’s made a path, I will find abundant  joy.

I hope you’ve been inspired by my story, because I am.  It’s not boasting because I have nothing to do with it.  I cannot believe what my year has been like, and I just know the years ahead will be full of joy as I walk out my life with Father.

While this is the end of this series, the story is still unfolding…and certainly, to be continued.

Peace.

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Jesus Paid It All, All To Him I Owe?

When I’ve sung this song, it often produced feelings of guilt and stirred feelings of “I gotta pay you back, Jesus.  Thanks for covering me. My turn.”

I’ve heard people say many times, “You’ve got to count the cost of following Jesus. It’s going to cost you everything.”

What does that mean?  Isn’t grace free?

We live in a culture where we demand equality.  Especially in financial matters.  We will not allow someone to give us anything without feeling obligated to send something in return.

When we get a great gift, we feel obligated to give a great gift back.

We get increasingly competitive at Christmas, and constantly try to out-do each other.

We never want to be in a position of “owing” anybody anything.  We try to make good with anyone that we’ve been given something from, because we’re totally uncomfortable until we even up.

We do this with the crucifixion.  We try and put ourselves into a state where we grieve over and over for Jesus and the beating he took for us.  We cannot stand that Jesus had to suffer and die FOR ALL THE SINS I’VE DONE.  We drive up the “debt” of guilt and spend all our time working to free ourselves from that debt.  All our service and activity is geared toward relieving that guilt.  That makes us feel better.

What did Jesus really demand when he talked about “the cost” of following him?  Could he mean something way different than money?

One of my friends sent me an email a while back, and he said he had a dream about me.  In his dream, he was watching a man shovel hay in from a huge pile into a bigger barn.  The man was doing the work himself.  On a bench away from the action, another man was sitting there watching the other man do all the work.  At closer inspection, my friend identified the man working as Jesus (don’t know how, but he knew), and the man sitting on the bench was me! Jesus turned to my friend and told him that the work he was doing was for Bob and he looked over at me on the bench.

When I heard of the dream, immediately I had 2 reactions – I am seriously allergic to hay, so the thought of taking a pitchfork and shoveling hay into a barn on a hot day closes my lungs up.  Yet even with my aversion to hay and what it would do to me physically, I felt really guilty and had a desire in my heart to pick up the fork and help him.

Then it hit me with 100-ton force – I am a bad receiver.  I cannot accept grace from anyone — even Jesus himself.

I HATE receiving gifts, and NEVER feel comfortable receiving anything for free.  I always position myself as the giver, and absolutely love giving the bigger and better gifts and the feeling that produced in me.  I never allow myself the grace to receive anything from anybody without giving back in return.

Strip that all away and it is nothing more than pride and false humility.  It’s not humility at all – it’s sin.

So when I had my breakdown, and I had to give up everything, I had to let Jesus start doing things for me. I had to let others start doing things for. It made me really uncomfortable.  I mean physically uncomfortable.

Think about that dream.  It was as if I was embarrassed and unable to allow Jesus to work for me.  I wanted to take his place even in a state of weakness.  How in the world do I resolve in my mind that me doing something like shoveling a mountain of hay is not something I can allow Jesus to do for me, even if it will kill me?  I remember Peter had the same issue.  “Jesus you ain’t washing my feet, dude.”

Jesus WANTS to do the work. The work would kill me, but for him it’s easy and enjoyable.  Why is it so hard to let someone else do the work for me, let alone my brother and savior Jesus Christ? This attitude makes it impossible for me to accept grace from him, or get it from others.  I just could not receive anything from anybody, especially God himself.

I have to think that in the scheme of things, this extended season I am going through is as much about me giving up the things which drove me – pride, approval of others, being the giver not the receiver, always being the “fall guy”, doing the work myself when others need to do it, taking financial and emotional responsibility for people that willingly give it up to me, always being the “responsible one”, never accepting a handout, never accepting a gift with grace, and countless other flaws.

Letting all of this go has been painful – for me and those around me.  People are confused, upset, and judgmental.  It’s been a horrible ride for people that counted on me in the past, and I can no longer provide the support or be counted on doing the work. There’s people I even owe things to that I cannot pay back right now.

I am in a season where I am limited in what I can do, and limited in where I feel free to roam.  My “ministry or service” is nothing anyone would sanction with a budget or fanfare.  Loving people one at a time and engaging them in conversation seems too simple and small, yet it’s what he’s showing me to do.

He’s got my spiritual life, my business, and my relationships in a purifying fire to burn away all the crap that I’ve allowed to pile on.  I’m betting there’s a lot of crap in that hay pile that Jesus needs to shovel away too.  It’s getting to the pure gold and burning away the garbage I’ve built up on it.

I am accepting the fact that Jesus paid it all. I am accepting the fact I don’t have to pay him back.  I am accepting the fact that in this season I will let a lot of people down that used to count on me, and people will continue to question, judge, and be upset with my lack of action.  There are people that have given me financial help, physical help, spiritual help, and advice for which I am unable to pay back now, or maybe ever.

My life has been simplified to a being totally engaged with Father, Spirit, and Son and figuring that out without distraction.  Being totally engaged with my wife and daughters  and family in a new way.  Getting real with a few old and new friends who are accepting this new me and totally supporting me, even while going through their own process. Being a person that lives in the moment, and has eyes to see what’s going on around me right now and totally live in that.

My question to you is this – are you trying to pay back a debt for something you cannot pay? Is Jesus someone you accept gifts from, or accept and try to pay back?  Are you able to accept gifts from others?  What have you experienced?

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