We All Have Something To Work On

Those were the words uttered to me by my wife this morning as she was walking out the door. Her words of encouragement to me in a difficult morning.

You see, last night I got ‘fired’ from a volunteer organization. It appears that many of the parents didn’t like my ‘style’. They felt I was unapproachable, difficult, opinionated and not receptive.

All of that is true, I recognize it and don’t deny it one iota.

I am that way in business as well. With clients, staff members and even with Bob. I have been known to tell them the truth. Some like it, other don’t.

Take my business partnership with Bob. I’ve been known to spout off. I am sure I’ve pissed him off many times, with my crap. But to Bob’s credit he lets me be me. He let’s me spout off, get pissed off and be me. He doesn’t try to fix me. He gently guides me or coaches me in particular spots.

Bob exhibits a community of grace with me. As a friend, a business partner and a buddy. (So does my wife Sarah as well… for the record.)

What I experienced last night was a community of legalism. A group of parents, upset with me, went behind my back and talked to the leader to have me removed. An ‘us or him’ ultimatum. It was an easy decision for me. I stepped down. Not because they were right, because, I don’t want that kind of grief in my life.  I have reached a point at the age of 43, that I no longer want to be around or associated with groups of people who won’t love me in the process I’m in.

That sounds a bit humanistic. “Love me as I am.” But the reality of this grace, communities of grace, allows people to flush out the process they are experiencing.  People like my wife, Bob, my buddy Gunnar, Victor and others, allow me to be in that process.

They see me as I am and not as they want me to be. And they love me anyway.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a bit of a hot head. Opinionated, who tells people what I think and I don’t care if they like it or not. I know it’s not socially acceptable and that it needs to change. But instead of looking at all my short comings, or how far short I am of being the ‘Christian’ I’m supposed to be. Jesus puts his arm around me and shows me how far I’ve come with him at my side. He doesn’t point out everything I still have to do. He accepts me as he made me. Loves me in the process and allows me to come to him when I’m good and ready to work on the stuff.

Because everyone has something to work on.

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Love Is More Powerful Than Fear In Your Marketing

Have you ever seen fear based marketing?

This is easy to spot, because it uses things like; scarcity, fear of loss, missing out, fake deadlines and language that makes you think that if you don’t make this decision today, you are damned to burn in hell.

I won’t mention names of marketers who use this approach, but you’ve seen this method.

Then there is the direct opposite. This approach uses things such as; education, serving the customers needs, sharing information freely without expectation of sale.

Famous copywriters like: Gary Bencivenga, Ted Nicholas use this method. Marketers like Gary and Ted have been around for 30, to 50 years and have sold hundreds of millions of dollars in products and services.

I call it ‘love based marketing’.

Of the two groups, my marketing is more like that of Gary and Ted. There is a reason, which I will explain and it’s based on experience.

For years I was a hired gun, front of the room pitch man for a number of famous speakers. Traveling around the country, city after city, selling from the front of the room.

Usually you had 90 minutes, not a second more, to sell your stuff. You were graded based on your success rate of selling.

In those environments, I sold about $250 per person in the room.

However, when I did a half day or full day selling, I usually doubled or even tripled my dollars per head in the room. Because I was given more time to bond with the prospect. They could see I was real. Having their best interests in mind.

Furthermore, my return rate from full days was drastically lower than the 90 minute presentations.

At first, as a marketer, I fell into the trap of being a hype oriented type sales person. It didn’t matter if it was online or offline. My goal was to get you to buy and buy fast. I hammered my list with offer after offer, after offer. Using hype language. “Last Chance” offers.

In retrospect, this was a ‘scorched earth’ marketing process. In this method, you burn through your leads as quickly as possible. Throwing caution to the wind.

Then I started taking my time. I built a relationship with my list first. In many cases, you can’t buy anything from me until day 14 or 30. Just like Gary and Ted.

Guess what happened.

My sales steadily increased and my list has longer life.

I can sum up my process as simple as:

“Love is more powerful than fear in marketing.”

Love is the most powerful thing on earth. People long to be loved. They will move mountains to experience love.

When you, as a marketer, come at your clients with nothing but respect and love, when you truly care about them as business owners, you’ll see amazing changes in your business. Positive changes.

If you use FEAR in your selling, your customers won’t stick around for very long. They’ll see through the ruse. They realize the FEAR is being used to manipulate their response.

Granted, taking an approach of love, education and sharing, takes more time to experience sales results. In the end, it creates a better environment for you and your business. And your customers.

In end you get greater satisfaction and a more enjoyable business.

Have a great day,

Matthew Gillogly

PS> If you’d like to see how we’ve applied “LOVE” in our work with clients, check out our latest FREE Report on our main company site: WWW.CapstoneStrategicPartners.com Love is the main ingredient to our successful case studies and our latest white paper: How To Grow Your Revenues By 30% Or More Using The Customer Conversion System For Big Ticket E-Commerce.

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Where’s My Inspirational New Year’s Post?

Did you miss it?

One of a thousand blog posts telling you, inspiring you, challenging you to make 2011 the best year ever?

Did you miss ours?

No.

We didn’t post one.

Many blogs I frequent use the new year as a way to inspire and challenge their readers to new heights. To set goals and press ahead toward the thing they desire most.

This is all good, and for some, a well-deserved and needed kick in the shorts, but….

I’m going to let you in on a secret. I had no goals in 2010. My 2009 was a lot of highs and lows, and my hopes going into 2010 were pretty much to hope to stay alive and not screw anything else up. Well, 28 days into the new year I laid off my entire staff and 2 months later watched our household turn over as my wife went back to work full time and I became the primary caregiver for my kids. So much for an up-and-coming CEO with visions for a 9 figure company, huh?

It became a year of just accepting fate and dealing with whatever life brought. My mind was defeated and my hopes for the future were pretty much shot.

Day by day I processed this phenomenon that was happening to me and questioning what went wrong and why. I thought I successfully got “fixed” in 2009, so I totally did not understand what was happening to me in 2010.

So did I accomplish anything last year?

On paper, you could argue I regressed, but if you look beyond what people normally evaluate, I accomplished a great deal.

First and foremost, I fell in love with my wife and daughters all over again. I discovered a sincere joy in being able to do things for my family that 99% of dads will never get to do. How many dads get to spend every morning and afternoon with their kids? How many dads get to solve hair issues and hunt for matching clothes at 7am? How many dads get to drive carpool and shuttle kids to activities and get to know their kid’s friends?

How many husbands have a talented wife that is so extremely valued by her employer they put her on the company’s “top ten list”? How many husbands could boast that their marriage was made STRONGER during a time when the husband could no longer bring home the bacon and pay the bills? How many couples discover the amazing reality that a wife and mother are not defined by the tidy-ness and smooth operation of the household and that a husband and father are not defined solely by the money he brings in the pay for the mortgage and grocery bills?

I discovered a deep, satisfying JOY in my “new role” and my wife experienced a joy in her new role. It wasn’t fun or joyful at first for either of us, and I admit I sincerely hated it, but through grace and reflection, we really sincerely developed a love, peace, and joy we never had in our family – even when we’re still challenged in these roles.

How about me? Well, for the first time in my life, I stopped being self-righteous and exhibiting false humility. I began to fall in love with myself and for the first time in my life, believed with 100% certainty in the goodness of my heart. I starting living out of who God says I am, not by who others say I am. I’ve tuned out the voices that tell me I’m a failure, those calling me a bad business man, and all the other false accusations. I no longer seek to please or appease others to make them like me or try not offend them. I’m living out of who God says I am, and I am trying to relate to others in the same way.

I discovered that for those that love me the most, including my Father in heaven, that I’m not valued for what I do but for who I am. Knowing this truth frees you from all kinds of shame and guilt. I no longer have to please others or please God by doing things. I no longer have to appease and perform to gain love and acceptance from them, and I no longer demand this of others. Everything I do now flows out of love and my heart, not out of expectations, rules, or obligations.

My discoveries about Grace and Love and the nature of God were frequent topics of my writings in 2010, and the greatest joy of all was that I discovered all God really wants with me is a relationship, and that everything flows out of love, not obligation. The years of guilt and shame that religious thinking brought to me were erased and for the first time in my life, I discovered true freedom. And the best part is, my wife found it too. So we get to start a new journey together and can share it with our kids while they are still young.

Business-wise? We discovered who were are. We discovered who we were not. We have made hundreds of mistakes and made all kinds of bad choices over the years in regards to business. Many of those choices and actions manifested themselves in the business results and we suffered the consequences financially. However, failure is only devastating if you believe it’s an end rather than a start. You see, failure is a necessary part of growth. There’s no way around it. I cannot find a single successful person that doesn’t have a sting of failures, professionally, personally, or financially in their history. These people are successful because they embraced the failures, learned from them, and intentionally put aside the shame and guilt of these past failures and pressed forward into the future.

This year, I am focused, the company is focused. We know who we are, and we’ve got one specific thing we’re focusing in on for us and our clients. This focus and clarity only came about through a tremendous trial period and it’s been worth every second. The future is bright.

So that’s my 2010. A year (on paper) where nothing much happened actually turned out to be the most transformational and exceptional year of my life.

So now as we’re 6 days into 2011, I have a lot of hope. I know 2011 is going to introduce new challengs and new opportunities. Many have not embraced the adversity and processes they’ve gone through in the past few years and will not be able to press ahead in this new season, but I am confident in myself that all these events over the past few years for me have been a proving ground to allow me to see dreams fulfilled this year and into the future.

Let me leave you with this…..

On New Year’s Day, I watched Oprah interview JK Rowling. I know many Christians dismiss Oprah and they dismiss Harry Potter and JK Rowling. My religious mind did for many years as well. That’s a topic for another day. All I can say is I’ve been spellbound by this interview and am really digging the God-breathed message she delivered to Harvard graduates in 2008. JK’s story is one of restoration and a discovery of who God said she was. Her story, and her books are dripping with God. You can’t miss it unless you want to.

Please read this speech. The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination – JK Rowling at Harvard 2008

If you have time, check out the articles and snippets on Oprah’s web site:
The Brilliant Mind Behind Harry Potter and OPRAH AND HARRY POTTER PHENOM BILLIONAIRE J.K. ROWLING

My wish for you in 2011 is simple – to start living out of who God says you are. I bless you with the Love, Peace, and Joy that is promised for all God’s children TODAY through the amazing redemptive work of Christ.

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