The Year Of Being Reborn – Final Installment

This is the final installment of a 3-part story. I hope you’ve enjoyed my Year Of Being Reborn series.

Click Here To Read Part 1

Click Here To Read Part 2

The following is an unedited message I wrote to my staff on July 20, 2010.  It was written after a very vivid experience in my office one afternoon. I hope you find encouragement in this. It describes a moment in my office with Papa, and what I can only describe as a prophetic flow as I describe the future of the business to my staff…

This might be heavy.  I want you to know I’m sober, hopefully, happy, and peaceful as I write this.  I need to share with you what God has been saying to me this week.  (Yes, I hear God.  No, he does not sound like George Burns or the actor in the Ten Commandments movies.  It’s a still small voice that comes when I sit still or when I run.  It’s not audible, it’s like a thought, except I know it’s not mine.  It’s available to anyone who believes they can hear it.  It also comes in dreams and other amazing ways I won’t get into. But I didn’t hear him like this until I went through “the episode” last fall.  Everything changed for me on September 28).

So at the risk of freaking you out, but fully trusting you guys to see this with me, here it goes….

Remember when the Israelites were pinned between the Red Sea and the armies of Egypt?  God impressed that picture on me today.

The Israelites had 4 choices:

#1 Swim – Only a small percentage of people would make it, the rest would die, and they’d lose all their stuff.  Not a good plan.

#2 Fight – None of the Israelites were trained to battle. Bad idea. The men would have been slaughtered and the women and children and their stuff would have been dragged back to Egypt

#3 Surrender – Give up and go back to Egypt, I’m guessing the work would have been exponentially tough and they would have been beaten daily, never to leave again. Not good.

#4 Trust – I don’t know if any Israelite saw this as an option, even given the butt-kicking God put on the Egyptians to get them out.  Moses turned to the sea and lifted out his arms to the sea, and God held back the army and drew back the sea for them.  God purposely led them to a dead end so he could demonstrate his power to the people of Israel and to the people of the world (I bet this story got a lot of play for generations).

You all might think I’m nuts, but I firmly believe that God is doing and preparing something so amazing, that he’s led us to a dead end, just to show us his power.  What he has planned for us in the future is so big, we could not do it on our own.  Therefore, we need to learn TRUST before he can allow this to manifest.

Isn’t it actually laughable how much has gone wrong in this past year, and just in the past month?  We had to laugh today at the sheer number of vendors and situations that just simply vanish into thin air.  It’s really amazing.  Unless Matt and I have totally forgotten everything we learned about business and marketing, there cannot be another explanation.  Yes, I know it’s tough out there for many, many people, but I think he’s using that as well to allow us the joy of trials to firm our foundation.  And don’t give me any lines about the devil.  Don’t even go there.  He’s been defeated, all he’s got is deception.

I’m going to do something totally out of my character and something I have failed to do for 16 months.  Wait and Trust.  For the first time really since we started to hit financial issues in March of 2009, I’m totally at peace with what’s happening here.  It’s totally against what any guru would tell you, but I am going to stop striving to make this work. In Jesus sermon, he says, “Blessed are you when you are at the end of your rope”.  We’re not out of clients or opportunity, but we’re running on E and the gas station is nowhere in sight – yet, I am totally believing that’s where God wants us and is just waiting for us to get off the treadmill and wait for him.  If you look at my schedule, God isn’t even allowing me enough time in my day to worry about business.  It’s funny.  I’m busy taking care of the kids and the house.  I have to be very creative to find large chunks of time to concentrate.

The fact that we are still in business after everything is a miracle.

The fact that Matt and I are going through this without any major conflicts between us is a miracle.  We should be arguing daily about the struggles, but we don’t.

No one has prayed longer and harder for things to turn around.  But God showed me today that my prayers are AGAINST what he’s preparing for us.  I failed to seek his heart about everything, and simply asked for rescue and “to go back to Egypt” (the way things were).  He told me that he wouldn’t allow it.  It’s not part of the destiny.  Stop praying for me to rescue the business and figure it out, and start praying for the future to manifest according to his plan.  Starting praying for peace in the process so that I can endure and understand.  Rescue is not a prayer he intends to answer, but reinvention and restoration is a prayer he’s in the middle of answering.

God has assured me that his hand in on this business.  That does not translate into profits, in case I need to remind you   But what it means is, is that he is controlling the situation, and arranging things according to what’s best for each one of us and for those we will touch in the future.  This business has a destiny, and so does each of us.  I don’t know the specifics, but God is starting to show things, and it not only is amazing, it totally explains years of experiences and trials I’ve endured to be ready for it.  He’s got a tremendous call for this business that is so unlike anything you would expect, it has to be hidden and refined to make it ready.  It’s about restoration and revival of people and ideas, and it’s going to capture the hearts of thousands.  Money will not be the goal of the business, but money will come and it will be in abundance so much that it will pay off the debts of the business and restore the personal accounts that have been depleted over the past few years.

It will be wildly successful, but it will not define us.  It will be defined for how we restore and revive people and ideas, and for how much affect this has on those that work in it. It’s going to be something that churches have been called to do, but never figured out.  It will at times seem like ministry, and other times be just business.  It will be so unique that people will flock to it and really not understand it, except for what it does for them.  People will find their purpose and rediscover what was lost.  This is not fluffy life coach stuff, this is real – solid advice and solid strategies to turn a life around and the business as well.

Here’s the cool thing – I don’t think he’s going to just show me, or just show Matt what this is.  He’s going to also show you guys things that you will bring forward to enhance the mosaic that’s being built.  So start asking God to show you this, and bring forward what’s on your heart.  And even if he tells you your season here is over, don’t worry, it’s part of the plan.  But if he shows you something and you see it as part of this business, bring it forward.

It’s very key for us in this time to stay positive, stay hopeful, and find joy.  I can’t stress that enough.  When we fret, worry, strive, or try to do this on our own power, it will derail us.  We must not fear.  Fear will suck us into places that are difficult to escape from.  It’s got to be about staying in the place of TRUST even when the army is bearing down and the sea is so close our sandals are wet.  Even then, the best option is to trust.

I hope this encourages you more than it freaks you out, but I’m just sharing what I am hearing and seeing. it’s clearer to me than looking out the windows here. It will be great, and I’m going to accept and enjoy the process until we get there.

After writing this note, I called Matt and explained to him that I was absolutely sure that there was going to be something big happening the very next week.  It seemed perfect, because both Matt and our PM Justin were out of town.  I was absolutely sure something was going to happen the next week.

Here’s what happened just 8 days later, on July 28 (You see how Daddy keeps doing things on the 28^th for me?  Strange, huh?)…

I was having an awesome phone conversation with my friend, Jim Robbins.  Jim and I were talking  about  a number of things, but mostly focusing on some really frustrating things happening in our lives and businesses.  We both had opportunity to encourage each other and that is why it’s awesome to have Kingdom friends.  They reveal Father’s heart to you.

After we hung up, I checked email, and Matt and I received a message from a former client that we completed work for in 2008. I am going to call him J.  Matt kept tabs with J since then.  J decided to take a copywriting position with a very prestigious and well-known information publishing firm (a firm that does a solid 9 figures in revenue and one we’ve always studied and admired as a model info-business.)  In this email, J revealed that he introduced a marketing strategy Matt and I had been using for our clients to his boss. They liked the idea and began using it.  Turns out that this little strategy we showed J made his new firm several million dollars!

Needless to say, this firm was ecstatic.  So much so, that J’s boss wanted to speak to us, and hire us to come in and work with them to develop more strategies.

Within 14 days of this call from J, Matt and I had a signed contract from a firm that we had only dreamed of working with, had never sent a single piece of marketing to, and had to do absolutely no “selling” to come to an agreement on a contract.

Now, what does that say about Daddy?  He reveals to me that he wants to show me his power, and that I am to sit and wait for him to do it.  8 days later we hear from J who we worked with 2 years prior and is getting us connected to a firm we absolutely would have died to work with.  One in which we had to do no marketing, no selling, and no negotiation.

This is the Daddy we have. He loves to do things for his kids.  Did I do anything to receive this gift? No.  I was not fasting. I was not naming and claiming it.  All I did was come to the throne room as a broken, humble child, asking my Daddy for help.  He chose to do this, and his requirement was to wait.  I cannot believe he acted so quickly, and acted with such extravagance.   All we can do is humbly thank him, and go work on this project with all our gusto.

So 2 days ago, I was sitting in the amazing boardroom of this client, celebrating a high point which a year ago was a low point.  It just so happens  September 28 was a perfect day for this client to meet.  (Of course it was J )

Let me tell you.  It was a phenomenal day.  We did great work together and put together an amazing plan with this client.  I am loving what Daddy is doing, and can’t wait to see what else he has planned.

I hope this story reminds me to not strive in the future.  I hope I remember that my Daddy loves to work for me, and it’s not even work at all to him.  If I just rest in what he’s doing and run where he’s made a path, I will find abundant  joy.

I hope you’ve been inspired by my story, because I am.  It’s not boasting because I have nothing to do with it.  I cannot believe what my year has been like, and I just know the years ahead will be full of joy as I walk out my life with Father.

While this is the end of this series, the story is still unfolding…and certainly, to be continued.

Peace.

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The Year Of Being Reborn Part 2

Continuing my post from yesterday…

…I wasn’t sure what he exactly meant by rest, but somehow I immediately sensed 2 things – I was going to be taking off time from the business, and I was going to be taking time away from being a deacon at my church.

Upon returning home from a one night stay in the hospital, and receiving an all-clear on my heart, I began my rest. I don’t think I ever slept as much in my adult life. I’d wake up in the morning, eat, read, and nap. In the afternoon, I’d take a walk, eat, and nap. At night, I’d watch TV, eat, and go to bed. This went on for 2-3 weeks.  It’s like my body just did nothing but crave rest, and my wife, family, and staff supported me.  Thank you for this gift, everyone.

During this time, I made decisions to start being healthy again.  I began walking several miles a day, began drinking a lot more water, and started eating right (stopped all those carbs, excessive sweets, and multiple glasses of wine). Since then, I’ve lost 25 pounds and my walking has turned to running. I now run about 10-15 miles per week. I feel great, in fact, my health is better now than in any time in the last 10 years.

But, September 28 was not the “bottom”. The business ran while I was gone for 6 weeks, but the bleeding that began in June of 2009, didn’t stop and things finally hit bottom in January of 2010, ironically, on the 28th.  On that day, Matt, I, and our CFO decided we could no longer bleed cash, and I made the call to lay off my entire staff.  I thought September 28 was a bad day, how about shattering the hopes and dreams of a half-dozen people that I cared deeply about?

I sat there in shock.  How the hell did we get to this point?  Was I a failure?  Did I do something wrong?  Was it my staff? Was it our clients?  Was it me? Would we make it? What would everyone think? What’s going to happen next?

Listen, to a proud man like me, being stripped of my identity as a provider, a successful entrepreneur, a leader in our church, a nationally recognized author and speaker, and former profitable business owner was like losing my life.  But like a good Papa, a trip was in line for me to spend 5 days with my earthly dad in Florida.  It was the worst time to go, but also the best time to go.  It turns out those 5 days were critical in my recovery.  I learned more about my dad, my family, and myself than I could have ever done at home. I wrote about my experience back in the spring.

In March, when finances for our family got to a critical stage, Father blew us away.  Talk about answered prayer (but not giving us what we asked for)  Father orchestrated an opportunity for my wife at her work. She was offered a significant promotion and a hefty raise – an amount that almost exactly covered our monthly expenses.  What this meant for us though, was that she’d now have to leave at 5:30am and get home at 5:00pm 5 days a week.  It meant that I would now become Mr. Mom, and be responsible for getting the girls ready for school, making breakfast, packing lunches, getting kids on and off the bus, helping with homework, coordinating play dates, taxiing kids to activities, and being one of the only men in our neighborhood that does this.  Talk about an identity crisis!

But here’s the best part.  I had been praying for a few years for Father to help me be a better dad – to help me get more time with my girls.  Ha!! More answered prayer, but don’t you love the sense of humor Father has?  I have all the time in the world to be with my girls now  For me, I work from 8:30 to 3:00 and that’s it.  I’ve got to be totally disciplined to be productive, and I get to spend more time with my kids than ever.  AND I’M LOVING IT!!

As I describe this, it’s such a high-level summary.  It doesn’t have the peaks and valleys I lived from day to day.  There are months, and months, and months of process on this. Too much to write about, but let’s just say all these things have been used to take my old identity, burn it up, remake it, and birth a new person.

Something else has happened even greater – I discovered my Father. No, not my dad, my Father. Daddy, Papa, Father God. I discovered that I had 2 fathers – and earthly dad, and a heavenly Daddy. I learned I was a son of Most High God, and a King, a Priest, and a Prophet. I got to know who God is as a person, not just a inpersonal force. I wrote about that here

Do you know how amazing it is to discover Father as Daddy? To be loved without condition and given the rights of sonship in his Kingdom? I haven’t even begun to peel this back and I’m already overwhelmed. I have been shedding all this religious garbage I have been collecting for years, and gotten to the core of Father’s heart – to be in me, and to share life together.

Today is September 28, 2010, and I will not be in my office, I will be on assignment in Baltimore, MD. Instead of lying in a hospital bed, this year, I am spending time with Matt and a new client which is one of the most successful information marketing companies in the world. A client we could have only dreamed working with.

Here’s the best part.  ?Neither Matt or I had anything to do with this, but I knew it was coming because of a supernatural moment.

I’ll explain what I mean in my next installment.  You aren’t going to believe this story.  I still can’t believe it, and I’m sitting here in a Baltimore hotel living it!!

…To Be Continued….

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The Year Of Being Reborn Part 1

Today is September 27, and tomorrow is September 28.  This day is probably like any other day to you, unless you have a birthday or some other day of remembrance.

For me, September 28, 2009 started off like any other day, certainly remembering the birthdays of a sister-in-law and a friend, but a simple old Monday where normal business would be transacted.  What I didn’t realize is that on this day, about 2:30pm, my life would start over…

As many of you follow this blog to peek into the lives of Matt and I, you know that this past year was an adventure for both of us (for Matt, 3 years).    On this blog, we’ve written more about life – the trials, the joys, the questions – than about business.  We thought this blog was going to be all about business and running it for the Kingdom.  Tools, tips, strategies, plans – all meant to take territory for the King and conquer the world of business.

Alas, twas not meant to be.  Instead, we’ve been led through a wilderness of discovery and life-changing revelation that we’ve openly shared with you.  As much as we want to open your eyes, truth be told, much of what we write is therapy for us.  It just helps us process everything to talk about it on the radio show or write about it on our blog. We hope that in sharing this, it’s helped you as much as it’s helped us.

But you know what?  We’ve also realized that more than 7 tips, 3 principles, or 5 strategies – the stuff we’re writing about is better. It’s real life.  We’re learning it’s not about principles or strategies as much as it’s resting in Father and watching him work in our business.  Everything else feels like striving, and when you strive, it’s all on your shoulders. That’s too large of a burden for most people to carry.  For me, it was.

…Rewind 2 days…on September 25, 2009, while sitting in my office pouting my heart out to Papa, he showed me a picture of a lion.  Very vivid picture.  In doing so, I asked Father why he showed me a lion.  He asked me to write down everything I knew about lions.  Here’s what I wrote:

- Lions are Proud, and the head of their Pride

- A male lion rests about 20 hours a day – they don’t strive for anything. They exist in a state of rest.

- A lion fears very little, and stays on a rock, lying down most of the day not concerned about predators.

- A lion can be fierce – there are times he needs to attack

- A lion has a marked territory

- A lion is the “king of the jungle” and packs a load roar heard for miles and commands respect from the jungle

That was a very emotional experience for me, because at the time I was praying, my spirit was in a deep, dark place. Nothing was going right in my business or my life.  But God chose September 25, 2009 to show me that I was a lion, even though I felt nothing like one at the time.  What God was doing that day was showing me a picture of my future.

You’d think an experience like that would restore a man, but I realized it didn’t.  That was a Friday, and all that night, and that whole weekend – I felt like i was in a tunnel.  I shared the experience I had with my wife and my staff, but overall I was just zoning through the weekend.

Then, on Monday, September 28, I spent the day on the phone with potential clients, and then after a call with Matt and someone I don’t recall, I hung up the phone and had what I thought was a heart attack.  Sharp pains in my chest.  I saw the room closing in on myself, dark circles narrowing down to a small dot in front of me.  Cold sweats, shaking, rapid breathing.

I fell on to the floor and cried out to God to help me, to not let me die right there on the floor, alone, and for my wife to find me when she got home from work.

It seemed like an hour, but really it was just a few minutes.  I managed to get into my chair and sat there, talking myself into staying conscious.  I breathed in and out as slowly as  I could, and slowed down my mind which was giving me all kinds of false information.

When my wife arrived home at 3:00, I calmly went downstairs and told her i needed to go to the ER.  I didn’t know what was happening, but I knew it wasn’t right.

After several hours in the ER, I was told I was not having a heart attack, but because of my family history, they were going to keep me overnight and run tests the next day.

That night, at about 2am, I felt all alone, embarrassed, and angry.  Here I sat in my bed, knowing in my spirit that I did not have a heart attack – i realized it was a panic attack.  It was all in my head.  How could I ever explain this to everyone?  How could I, the all-put-together rock of a man, suffer something as weak as a panic attack?

It was then I heard him, heard him clearly as if he was leaning over my bed – “Son, you’re going to rest for awhile.”  I looked around, but didn’t see anyone.  Then I realized it was not a doc, not a nurse, but Father.  I realized then and there, my life was not going to be the same….

…To Be Continued….

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