What Keeps Me Up At Night

I am fearful and afraid. Not of Congress, Al Qaeda, Obama, Nancy Pelosi or the fact the Chicago Cubs may actually win the world series some day.

Nope, I’m afraid, I’ll never be anything.

You see as an entrepreneur, you go into business for some simple reasons.

Control and money.

That’s it. We all want to control our destiny. We don’t think the world can handle us unless we take charge and manifest our dreams forward.

The other reason is money. We want to have the money to do the things we want to do, to buy what we want to buy and to live a comfortable life. Sure most Christian Entrepreneurs won’t admit it. They will wrap it in wanting to serve the poor and help out Africa. And I do believe there are those who are genuine in their statements.

For me, I want to be comfortable. I don’t want my wife to have to work 2 jobs to help make ends meet. I don’t want to drive a old Honda Odyseey with 122,000 miles on it. I want more.

I am afraid my life as an entrepreneur will be one of failure after failure after failure. A debt laden existence of never having that hit again where the money flows, the public wants your product or service and that I wind up living in a double wide trailer in Orlando, working shifts at Disney World while I still dabble in entrepreneurial endeavors.

I fear that I’ll never make it again. That it has passed me by and I blew it. I got too arrogant, not humble enough. That that my ability to create wealth has been hijacked and taken from me, never to return to place where it will be real again.

I fear flying coach, wearing clothing from Goodwill, shopping with coupons at Bi-Lo until Social Security runs out. I fear that I”ll never know what it’s like to have a winner in business and have God on my side.

That I”ll burn through business partnerships because the dream never materializes. That I”ll be known as the guy who is poison. Crazy and shouldn’t be listened to.

That my kids will love me but be ashamed. That my anger will never get into control and that it will sabotage me just when success is right around the corner.

I don’t trust my ability to sell with integrity. At least not in the way Jesus would see it. That I’ll always twist the words to get the deal and leave someone else to clean up the mess. That I’ll be that guy at High School reunions that people will whisper.. “He could have been someone.”

That my wife will support me until mine and hers dieing days. Only to have her live a life of unfulfilled expectations and dreams. That maybe I really should have gone to work for the really big company and been bored. At least I would have had some health care and a small retirement.

I fear that I’ll never know what God really had in mind in business and at the end it really is about serving in Africa. Or Russia or New York City.

I fear that making the mortgage and sweating it out will be a common occurrence in my life.

This is what I fear as an entrepreneur. And that this haunting in my heart will lead me down paths to chase the money and not the love. To follow the bank balance and not my love.

This is my fear as an entrepreneur. What’s yours?

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