I Feel So Used

Have you ever attended a church service or talked with the uber spiritual? They talk openly about God ‘using them’ for his purposes? At first, as an unknowing believer, I figured that’s just what you do, after all, that’s what all the other ‘mature Christians’ were walking around saying. “Lord use me, do with me whatever you want.”

Being an all in kind of guy, I started praying that same prayer. “Oh Lord, I am nothing, use me as you see fit. I know I am gifted in front of a room as a speaker and have a gift of making money, but if that’s not what you want me to do, I’ll lay it all down just so you can use me as you see fit.”

Then one day, while sitting in a prayer room, I was taken to a point in my life where someone said to me I could use them anyway I saw fit. This may be a bit graphic in it’s description, but I’ll try to keep it as clean as possible.

Just after high school, I met this gal at a bar. We hit it off and started ‘dating’. Okay it was more physical that relational, but we had a bunch of fun together. We were discovering all kinds of interesting things about life.

One day, she looked at me and said; “Matt, you can anything you want with me.”

Okay, at first, this was kind of a turn on. I admit it, but after about one week, it got kind of creepy. I mean, could I really see myself building a relationship that was totally based on me ‘doing anything I wanted?’ Within a month the romance was ending. I think she visited me one time in Arizona while I was on an internship, but that was it. Basically, I lost all interest.

Why did I lose interest? Simple, the thought of using someone is not appealing long term. The thought of growing in a relationship with someone, where you can share you deepest dreams and darkest moments is very appealing. This second kind of relationship is about being real and open and allowing yourself to admit you don’t have it all figured out.

My hunch is you as the reader want the second kind of relationship. Not the first.

So, if we desire relationship with our Father, with Papa, then why did we come to the cross and enter into a relationship with Christ? Was it so we could be used? If you see people as something you can use to accomplish your will on earth, doesn’t that make you some kind of sicko or worse some kind of coward? Hitler, Pol Pot, Stalin, Bin Laden, they use people.

Which brings up the question… ‘Does God use people?”

Okay, I know what you are thinking. God uses all kinds of people Matt. Bill Graham, Mother Teresa, The Pope, heck even Josh Hamilton. Aren’t they all used by God to accomplish His mission on earth.

Here is the difference. God may ‘use’ those people, but not in the way you think. Each one of those folks are gifted in an area and God used the gifts to touch lives. Let me illustrate this another way.

A few months ago, my oldest son Andrew and I were driving home from Boy Scouts. He asked me that difficult question that all Dad’s fumble when answering.

“Dad, what do you think I should do with my life? What should I be when I grow up? I mean, what do you want me to do with my life.”

Okay he had me until that last question… ‘what do you want me to do with my life.’  I swallowed hard, thought for a second and answered this way.

“Son, you don’t have to worry about pleasing me. I love you unconditionally. You are my son. You are my flesh and blood and no matter what I’ll always love you. As for what you should do in your life? Well that’s one of the great mysteries and great journeys that God takes us on individually. But here is what we do know. God leaves clues in your life to show you His way for your life. Some will tell you that you can only serve God or be close to God by being a pastor, or a missionary or by letting God use you. Son. A loving God would never use and abuse you. A loving God desires to develop a deep relationship with you first, then He’ll gradually show you what He has in store for you. And if you allow Him to show you the way, then you will walk with him in the most wonderful life, never doubting Him and His purposes.”

“I know you are gifted with people, you are a natural leader, your smile lights up a room, you have a compassionate heart and you can sell with the best of them. Ask God to show you what He has in store for you and He’ll show you the way.”

Here is the difference. If you want God to use you, then you don’t want to have a relationship with a loving God. Oh and how I pray you will find that relationship in your life. To have that with Him is the most amazing experience for any human being. It can’t be found by being used. It can only be found through a relationship based on unconditional love.

Popularity: 25%

Being “Truefaced” In Business – An Interview With John Lynch

In this podcast, we’re pleased to welcome our friend, John Lynch, co-author of Bo’s Cafe and Truefaced (John co-authored these books with Bruce McNicol and Bill Thrall). John is one the most eloquent speakers on the Love and Grace of Father, and applying that truth to your life. We had a conversation with John about the wonderful gift of being Truefaced with others in business and how being authentic in our relationships will lead to profitable results. Join us as we sit around the virtual cafe and talk about life, living loved, and running a Kingdom business.

Popularity: 24%

It’s Not Black Or White

So often in our personal lives, our businesses, and our faith, we are always seeking out the question, “Who’s Right?” or “What’s Right?”.  This reduces all of life to deciding between 2 colors – black or white.  We refer to everything else as “gray area”.  In my 40 years of living, I believe that 99.9% of life is lived in the gray area.  Very few things can be reduced to 1 of 2 choices.  Last time I checked, God uses an entire color spectrum in his creation, so it’s rarely a black or white decision.

I am very close to a delicate situation occurring right now and I’ve been asked by several to provide some wise counsel on what “I thought was right”.  Every time I have discussed this matter, my answer has not changed – I said both parties are right, and both parties are wrong.  What’s missing from this situation is LOVE.

I said, if party A was showing love, they would be more sensitive to the entire scope of this person’s actions and approach the situation from a perspective of understanding and love versus accusation and forming a postion of being morally “right”.

Party B would understand that personal actions have consequences and ripple effects that are far more reaching than just in their own life, and a position within an organization comes with some written, and unwritten rules.

But far more important than determining who is more right in this situation, I’ve given my opinion that while love appears to be the motivation, love is not the motivation – at least for all those affected.  More than that, I told several people that in most situations like this, you can never come to a consensus or acceptable common ground because of the complexity and emotions involved.

I want to refer to a blog post i read today from Steve McVey.  The entire post can be read at http://gracewalkministries.blogspot.com/2010/07/musings-of-middle-aged-man.html

For a long time, I thought life was all about right and wrong. “Do right and teach others to do right.” That was my aim. It was the template through which I reared my children, through which I taught my congregation, through which I evaluated myself and others. But I was wrong – seriously wrong. To live that way is to live from “the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.”
Life isn’t about right behavior. Life is about loving relationships. We came into being out of a loving relationship among the members of the Trinity and we exist for loving relationships with Him and with each other.

By God’s grace, I’m done with judging people. I’ve learned I can’t even change me, let alone somebody else. I want to just love people, no matter who they are, how they live, what they believe or anything else that used to separate me from others created and loved by our Father. Their behavior isn’t my business. That’s up to God. Loving them is my business.

Jesus came to show us the Father’s love. If He thought it worthy to spend His life doing that very thing, then I assume there’s no higher use of my life than to do the same. I still find myself looking at people through the condescending eyes of judgment sometimes, but I’m asking my Father to free me from that and I’m seeing progress.

I want to love my family with agape love. I want to love my friends that way. I want to love strangers that way. I even want to love those who see me as the enemy that way. It’s a God-sized goal and only He can make it happen in me, but I’m trusting that He will do that very thing.

I just thought Steve nailed it, and I always appreciate God’s timing on providing us wisdom from others when we need confirmation.

Matt and I have blogged often that life and business is not about finding a formula, a set of principles, or the secret door.  We all think that we can solve all of our personal and business problems by finding the right answers and following them.  Unfortunately, the Kingdom does not operate that way.   We operate in a place where up is down and left is right.  Answers are not found in books, they are found in a person and unlocked in loving relationships.  This is what makes God sing over his Kingdom.  His relationship with us, and our relationships with others.  He unlocks the mysteries of the universe and life through himself and through those he connects us with in our lifetime.

So let’s not go through life trying to BE RIGHT or FIND THE RIGHT ANSWER. If we miss the love, we miss the answers.  We also miss an opportunity when we choose to seek truth over love, and we might even lose a relationship.

What do you think?

Popularity: 35%

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