The Fear Of Shame Is Sucking Your Courage Dry

My good friend Perry Marshall of www.PerryMarshall.com sent out this video regarding shame and fear.

Perry is one my closest friends. He is one of the few guys who stood by me during the dark days in my living hell. He is also one of the brightest business owners/entrepreneurs I know.

A few days ago, he sent out this link to a wonderful video. In this video, Brene Brown discusses the impact that fear and shame have on our lives. Now I don’t know if Brene ‘Knows Jesus.” (Frankly I don’t care.) One thing I do know, she discusses the basics of following Christ in this video.

She said a few things that really impacted me (as I’ve watched this video 3 times already) Here’s just a sampling.

“The only people who don’t experience shame are the ones who don’t have any capacity for human connection.”

“In order for connection to happen we have to allow ourselves to be seen.”

“Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of love and belonging.”

I’ll let her tell the rest.

Popularity: 51%

Would You Risk Your Reputation To Build Gods Dream In Your Heart?

A few days ago, I spoke with a fellow ‘Christian Entrepreneur’ and the topic of reputation came up. His business was struggling financially and had been for some time. We spent some time looking at his business model, recommending some new directions for him to take. These new directions would require some risk on his part. Risk that may put his fragile company on the razors edge of failure.

I could tell he was struggling with the concept of a company failing and all the collateral damage that comes with such a failure. “Matt, I really don’t want to lose my reputation. You know in Proverbs it says ‘ A sterling reputation is better than striking it rich..’”

Yes, we want a good reputation, but if we finish the verse from Proverbs 22:1 it finishes off with ‘ … a gracious spirit is better than money in the bank.’

To be an entrepreneur is one thing. To be an entrepreneur in the kingdom of God is a completely different deal. There are very few in the world who understand your motive to start your own business. Even less in the Kingdom of God.

Basically the world and the church (not the Kingdom) believe in a few basic principles. Life and it’s success is determined by having a good reputation, comfort, security, power and prestige.

We have taken Christianity and made it something safe and secure, when in reality, it is anything but safe and secure.  Life as a believer and follower of Jesus is a fire haired ride on a roller coaster, while the world waits in line for the safety, security and predictably of the Merry Go Round.

Society and the church throw shackles on our legs to keep us from making any mistakes or taking any risks. After all, we can’t see a brother or sister in Christ fall, it would be a stain on the body.

But let’s just say for a moment that you do take that chance. You do follow that calling on your heart. You pray, plan, save money and start your venture. Only to see it fail. Your personal finances become a shambles, your business goes bankrupt, your marriage suffers, even goes through a messy divorce and your ‘church friends’ no longer check in on you. Worse yet, they talk behind your back about your foolishness.

And to top it off, you completely lose your reputation. Not only in the world, but in the Christian community.  You become ‘persona non grata’.

What would you do then?  Could you be gracious to those who now turn their back on you? What about God and your relationship with Him? Would you feel disqualified from ever again being a servant for God? And what about your reputation with God himself. Would you think your reputation ruined?

We think of reputation in a completely different term than how God sees the word.

What would you rather have.. a strong reputation with man or a strong reputation with God?

And if you want a strong reputation with God, would you be willing to let him ruin your existing earthly one to create and forge a new one in Him?

When you start on this journey of owning a business, you have to be prepared to lose everything. Including your fine built reputation in the eyes of man and let God built his reputation in you.

If your business fails and you wind up owing millions to investors and creditors, leading you to bankruptcy court, God is not going to leave you or disqualify you from future success. How can I say such a thing? Because I know first hand.

God is in the resurrection business. Not the condemnation business.

Name me one leading character in the Bible who didn’t completely lose their reputation in the eyes of man. Go ahead, take a look, there isn’t one. Abraham, David, Paul, Peter, John, Moses, Job oh and a guy named Jesus. All lost their reputation in the eyes of man, allowed God to resurrect them in his image to then build a reputation with God that far surpasses those built on earth.

What about you? Would you be game to lose it all… and I mean all, to know Him on a deeper level? Would you be willing to take the wild ride on the roller coaster of business ownership?

If you’ve read this far, I”m gonna bet you are. So get out there and enjoy the ride… oh and go light your hair on fire.

Popularity: 63%

Why My First Business Failed

For the first 40 years of my life, the bulk of my relationships were only an inch deep. Sure I had lots of ‘friends’ but they were a mile long and only an inch deep.

My friendship, all of them, were based on one specific motive in my life and that was to get money. I figured, if I had a bunch of money, then everything else would take care of it’s self.

My friendships, my marriage and my business dealings were all based on this belief.

If you had a business that could benefit me financially, then you became a good friend. I was willing to look past a lot of things to get the financial security I so desired.

My motive was money/financial security. My value in relationships was based on money and my actions reflected that motive.

It took me on planes across America on weekends to speak at events. I created products and business offerings all based on how much money I’d potentially make. Giving it up as soon as the profits stopped.

Of course, I was generous with my money. Afterall, that’s what a good Christian does. I gave freely at my church (well over 10%). There were missionaries I supported, intercessors, you name it. My total view of ‘money solves all things’.

Well guess what happened. When the money went away so did my ‘friendships’. In business, in life and oh in case you were wondering, in the church.

Especially in the church.

As soon as I no longer had money to give freely, those relationships disappeared. No longer invited to play golf with the key members of the church staff. No more lunches. I remember when I needed some legal help financially. I called a so called ‘friend’ in the church and guess what he said.

“Geez, I feel for you that you are going through that, I’ll pray for you, but I don’t know anyone that can help you.”

I didn’t hear from that guy for another 18 months.  A staff member and pastor no less.

My marriage was based on money. I figured if I just gave Sarah money each month. Enough to support the family and for her to get what she wanted, everything was going to be okay. Afterall, I was  a Christian Husband. Providing for my family, my wife and making sure she was taken care of in the right manner.

Basically, I was an empty suit.

Now, life is much different. My goal is to have just a few relationships, but to go 20 miles deep. And here’s the funny thing. None of those relationships are found in traditional church, bible study or a life group.

I mean, if I have to go to a life group and ask you how things are going, then you aren’t much of a friend. A true friend would check in or text, or needle you throughout the week. (It’s what guys do ladies, it’s how we show ‘love’.)

Now my motive is deep relationships. With my wife, my kids, my friends. I value getting to know people in a deeper way. Not to fix em or study scripture together, but to just hang out. Walk through life together and if they want to share, great, if we talk football great.

It changes the way I look at my week. Now I take time to have longer lunches with friends. My business decisions are based on relationships, not money. I give of myself more freely with my time.

I’ll leave  you with this example. A few weeks ago, I got an email from another successful online marketer. I’ve known of him for some time. We have a mutual friend.

He emailed me as he wanted to talk to me about a particular business model that I have a ton of experience in running and marketing.

He was willing to pay for my time.  I thought about charging him $800 for two hours of my time.

Instead, I gave of my time freely. We got on the phone and just talked. No agenda, no nothing. Just two business owners talking about stuff.

At the end, a relationship was formed. I don’t know how deep it will go. But you never know. That is worth more than $400 bucks an hour.

Popularity: 59%

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