It’s Not Black Or White

So often in our personal lives, our businesses, and our faith, we are always seeking out the question, “Who’s Right?” or “What’s Right?”.  This reduces all of life to deciding between 2 colors – black or white.  We refer to everything else as “gray area”.  In my 40 years of living, I believe that 99.9% of life is lived in the gray area.  Very few things can be reduced to 1 of 2 choices.  Last time I checked, God uses an entire color spectrum in his creation, so it’s rarely a black or white decision.

I am very close to a delicate situation occurring right now and I’ve been asked by several to provide some wise counsel on what “I thought was right”.  Every time I have discussed this matter, my answer has not changed – I said both parties are right, and both parties are wrong.  What’s missing from this situation is LOVE.

I said, if party A was showing love, they would be more sensitive to the entire scope of this person’s actions and approach the situation from a perspective of understanding and love versus accusation and forming a postion of being morally “right”.

Party B would understand that personal actions have consequences and ripple effects that are far more reaching than just in their own life, and a position within an organization comes with some written, and unwritten rules.

But far more important than determining who is more right in this situation, I’ve given my opinion that while love appears to be the motivation, love is not the motivation – at least for all those affected.  More than that, I told several people that in most situations like this, you can never come to a consensus or acceptable common ground because of the complexity and emotions involved.

I want to refer to a blog post i read today from Steve McVey.  The entire post can be read at http://gracewalkministries.blogspot.com/2010/07/musings-of-middle-aged-man.html

For a long time, I thought life was all about right and wrong. “Do right and teach others to do right.” That was my aim. It was the template through which I reared my children, through which I taught my congregation, through which I evaluated myself and others. But I was wrong – seriously wrong. To live that way is to live from “the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.”
Life isn’t about right behavior. Life is about loving relationships. We came into being out of a loving relationship among the members of the Trinity and we exist for loving relationships with Him and with each other.

By God’s grace, I’m done with judging people. I’ve learned I can’t even change me, let alone somebody else. I want to just love people, no matter who they are, how they live, what they believe or anything else that used to separate me from others created and loved by our Father. Their behavior isn’t my business. That’s up to God. Loving them is my business.

Jesus came to show us the Father’s love. If He thought it worthy to spend His life doing that very thing, then I assume there’s no higher use of my life than to do the same. I still find myself looking at people through the condescending eyes of judgment sometimes, but I’m asking my Father to free me from that and I’m seeing progress.

I want to love my family with agape love. I want to love my friends that way. I want to love strangers that way. I even want to love those who see me as the enemy that way. It’s a God-sized goal and only He can make it happen in me, but I’m trusting that He will do that very thing.

I just thought Steve nailed it, and I always appreciate God’s timing on providing us wisdom from others when we need confirmation.

Matt and I have blogged often that life and business is not about finding a formula, a set of principles, or the secret door.  We all think that we can solve all of our personal and business problems by finding the right answers and following them.  Unfortunately, the Kingdom does not operate that way.   We operate in a place where up is down and left is right.  Answers are not found in books, they are found in a person and unlocked in loving relationships.  This is what makes God sing over his Kingdom.  His relationship with us, and our relationships with others.  He unlocks the mysteries of the universe and life through himself and through those he connects us with in our lifetime.

So let’s not go through life trying to BE RIGHT or FIND THE RIGHT ANSWER. If we miss the love, we miss the answers.  We also miss an opportunity when we choose to seek truth over love, and we might even lose a relationship.

What do you think?

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The Need to Fire Employees by Phil Cooke

I read this post on Phil Cooke’s blog at http://www.philcooke.com/firing.  This is very instructive for business owners, especially Christian Business owners.  I’ll post my comments at the end of the guest post.

Ever struggled with firing someone? I was teaching media professionals in Santiago, Chile a few years ago, and found this post I had written shortly after the visit. One morning before class, I was reading in the last section of Acts 15 and the beginning of the next chapter from the New Testament. It was about a division that arose over a potential partner in ministry:

36- “Then after some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us now go back and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they are doing.” 37 Now Barnabas was determined to take with them John called Mark. 38 But Paul insisted that they should not take with them the one who had departed from them in Pamphylia, and had not gone with them to the work. 39 Then the contention became so sharp that they parted from one another. And so Barnabas took Mark and sailed to Cyprus; 40 but Paul chose Silas and departed, being commended by the brethren to the grace of God. 41 And he went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.”
(NKJV)

It’s interesting that Paul and Barnabas were a team up to that point, but for their next journey, Barnabas wanted to include someone named John (called Mark). But Paul knew that John had left them once before – in other words, (and for whatever reason), he just couldn’t cut it at the level they were working.

I’m sure Barnabas wanted to be sensitive an give him more chances. He probably said something like “But he has a good heart, he loves God, and should go with us.” But Paul absolutely stood his ground – not willing to take someone who had quit on them or not produced in the past. So they decided to go two different ways. Paul chose Silas – someone with a proven past – and Barnabas took John called Mark with him.

Then I did a search, and discovered that that’s the last time you hear anything at all about Barnabas and his work with John (called Mark.) It may have been successful, but considering how much the Bible had mentioned him earlier, if it was successful, I tend to think it would have been recorded in some way. On the other hand, Paul went on to another 12 chapters of journeys, exploits, and success for the Kingdom of God, and yet the trip Barnabas and John called Mark took is never mentioned again.

That’s when I was struck by the gravity of hiring employees, shaping the members of our team, and building departments in the hope of becoming more effective. In the book “Good to Great – Why Some Companies Make the Leap, and Others Don’t” by Jim Collins, he uses the analogy of a school bus. He believes the key to a successful organization is:

1) Getting the right people on the bus
2) Getting them in the right seats
3) And getting the wrong people off the bus

Chances are, what you’re doing in hiring, firing, and developing the team around you is probably more critical and important than even you might realize. I don’t know your particular situation, but as leadership expert John Maxwell would put it, developing the leaders around you is the most important aspect of your job.

My point? In the Christian community, we all tend to be compassionate when it comes to firing people, and as a result, our churches, ministries, and religious media organizations are filled with people who are unqualified, unenthusiastic, and costing us money, time, and momentum. If you encounter an employee who is detrimental to achieving your vision – for whatever reason – by all means help him or her, but first – get them “off the bus” so they stop becoming an obstacle to the forward movement of the organization. Believe me – all the other employees know that person is a problem, and it’s most likely causing great anxiety and resentment. So by all means, get them help if they want it, but first, get them off the team and replace them with someone who values your vision, and is committed to seeing that vision accomplished.

I’d like to hear from anyone who’s experienced anxiety over firing anyone, but who discovered that once it was done, it was the right thing for the organization…

I encourage you to visit Phil’s blog at http://www.philcooke.com/firing and enter your own comments.  Here’s what I commented:

Phil, You’re spot on. I had to fire several people in the past year, both for performance reasons and for financial. Firing someone was the hardest, most emotional thing I ever had to do. I was physically sick about it, but this person was not catching the vision, was mishandling client relationships, and costing me money – but yet I wanted to be gracious. I misunderstood was grace was. That by enabling this person, I was doing damage to her, to my clients, to my other staff, and to me. It had to be done. Doesn’t mean we don’t love the people, it can be done in love, but when it has to be done. It has to be done.

What do you think?

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He’s Rooting For Me

My Father cannot play the game for me. He cannot step up to the mound and pitch for me. What fun would that be for me? What reward would I get by letting him strike every one out? Would I ever learn to pitch if Father threw for me every time? Why even play the game?

No, Father instead takes me into the backyard and puts on the mitt and sits down behind a makeshift home plate and tells me to throw. He catches pitch after pitch and watches me practice. After several dozen pitches, we take a break and He suggests some changes in my mechanics. He shows me the delivery and grip, and I mirror His movements. He even steps behind me, takes my hand in his and we do the motion over and over in slow motion, all the time He’s asking, “You see? How does that feel? Do you understand how this is better?”

I throw several dozen more pitches and see more strikes. As the ball pops the mitt, Father yells, “Yeah son! Great pitch, you’re getting it! Do it again!” I continue to throw, but I soon get tired, and He stands up and walks over, puts His arm around me and says, “Son, good job. You’re really improving. You’re going to do great tomorrow. Just remember what we’ve worked on. I can’t wait for tomorrow’s game, can you?”.

Tired and happy, I lean under His arm and just smile. Looking over, I didn’t notice, but my big Brother is standing there, big smile on His face. My Brother has gone through this before. He’s played the game, worked with Father in the yard, and went all the championship and won the game. Defeated our rival and humbled him for good. Cost Him everything, but He did it with love because He wanted to see me win the game too.

The game is a lot more intense than I thought. Every hitter wants to knock one over the wall on me, and they all look intense. Every inning has it’s own challenge, and the game is so back and forth. One batter I dominate, the next one hits one up the middle. They even score on me, but I seem to be doing better than the last game. In fact, I seem to be getting better as the season progresses.

The best part is my Father is sitting there, totally focused on me and cheering me on. He’s never criticizing me, just yelling out encouragement. There’s my Brother, right there behind the backstop, hands on the fence, peering through the wire. He seems to know exactly what I’m going through, and I know He’s been there before, so that’s providing me motivation. In fact, I can feel Him inside me. I can’t explain it, but I just sense He’s in my every movement and thought and it makes pitching in this game so much easier for some reason.

My Coach is constantly encouraging me. I have a direct connection with Him, and I look to Him before every pitch. He’s been working with me all season too, and He’s such a good teacher and instructor. I’ve learned the in’s and out’s of the game from Him and the best part is that He’s right on the field with me. He never seems to contradict what Father says, and He sounds and speaks just like my Brother, reminding me of things we’ve worked on and done in the past, and showing me how to face situations when they come up during the game that I haven’t faced before.

With the bases loaded and the count at 3-2, I’m scared to death. The stress of this game is intense and I don’t want to mess this up. I need to throw a strike or I lose this game. I’m sweating, I’m tired. My arm is a little sore and the sun is just beating down on my head.

I look to my Coach and He’s clapping His hands together, “You can do it Bobby. Dig in. Take your time. Focus on the mitt. Trust your arm. Just throw it like you practiced.”

My big Brother is pressed against the fence, big smile, clapping his hands. Looks me right in the eyes and doesn’t say a word. His look was all I needed. That look of confidence says it all for me. He believes in me more than I do. It calms me.

Father is there in his chair, big smile on His face. I know He’s watching the game and everything going around the field, but to me, He only seems to be focusing on me. He doesn’t look nervous. He’s looking at me and He says, “Just remember what we practiced, Bob. Just like the backyard. You can do it. I’m proud of you, son. Just throw it to the mitt.”

As the batter swings and misses, my Coach, my Brother, and my Father are cheering like no one else. They are hi-fiving each other and bragging about me. They all 3 grab me off my feet and swing me around, hugging me and telling me how proud they are of me. It’s only one game in a long season, but after all the bad games I’ve been having lately, this was needed.

It means everything that they cheer me on, especially given the last few games I’ve been plain awful. I’ve gave up a ton of runs, walked a lot of hitters, threw balls in the dirt, and hit a bunch of kids who didn’t have time to jump out of the way. I just couldn’t seem to do anything right, but they didn’t give up on me. I can’t believe they stand by me as much as I screw up in the game. But whether I pitch well or pitch poorly, they are all 3 there game after game, inning after inning, pitch after pitch. When I’m struggling, They are providing encouragement and coaching. When I succeed, they are happier than I am and proud as can be. They are focused during all practices on me and my success. They don’t ever seem to tire of teaching me, encouraging me, or kicking me in the butt when I’m dragging along. There have been many times I got so tired of the game, that I asked to sit out. I even asked my Father and Brother at times to go pitch for me. They didn’t make fun of me for such a silly request, instead they helped get me back out there and keep pitching.

But after today’s success, I got to savor the victory. I got to see the fruit of all that hard work in the backyard. I got to see my Father and Brother bragging about me. I got to see my Coach smile and see His hard work in me pay off. I’m ready for the next game.

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