Why Your Best Sex And Time With God Are The Exact Same Thing
February 24, 2010 by Matthew Gillogly
Have you ever had really great sex with your spouse? I mean really great sex. It’s like the world stops. That the two of you are all alone and that nothing, not even the second coming could interrupt the two of you, getting busy.
Then it’s done, it’s gone, but what is left is the memory of the moment.
Usually great sex is not planned. It happens in a moment of spontaneity. Before kids it was from being stuck in a rain storm, or in the middle of the afternoon.
After kids it doesn’t happen that often, but when it does it’s even more special. It usually happens when all of the sudden the house is empty because the kids are all away on a sleep over, you and the spouse get an overnight in a hotel or one afternoon the house is empty.
If you are in the hotel, ou don’t want to leave, just hanging out with each other talking about nothing or watching some old movie from your high school days.
Planned sex is never as good. Why? Because it’s planned. It’s wedged in between making dinner, putting the kids to bed and going to sleep. You put it into your schedule like an appointment with your dentist. It’s cold, not as wonderful and usually mechanical. Just like going to the dentist.
Now don’t get me wrong, there have been times when my wife and I have planned an evening out. Away from the kids and one thing leads to another. Yippee.
Those are few and far between. Our most wonderful moments of intimacy (sexual and non sexual) are when we just enjoy each others company. When we walk hand in hand. Enjoying a moment or the blue sky or just a cup of coffee on a busy street.
If our most wonderful moments of intimacy with the one we love are unplanned, then why do we plan our time with God?
You might want to let that question sink in before you continue.
Church on Sunday, Bible study groups, life groups, men’s groups, women’s groups, worship time, getting up early to “Get into the word”. All these are planned activities that get in the way of true deep intimacy. All of this is like planned sex. It’s akin to the Dunkin Donuts guy saying “Time to go make the donuts.”
So how does one cultivate or develop deep intimate times with the Lord?
First off, stop scheduling it. Anyone who tells you that you gotta get up early to make time for God should be stoned, tarred and feathered. My wife, my kids, my dog and even God doesn’t want to talk with me first thing in the morning.
I haven’t brushed my teeth, had no coffee and lets face it, I’m grumpy.
Next, while Bible study groups are nice, it’s another form of forced fellowship. What if you just had lunch with some buddies and talked about life. Leave the Bible in the car. It scares people and makes you look like Flanders from the Simpsons.
Am I telling you to stop you Bible study group? No. But in my conversations with many believers who have been through the wilderness, they all share a similar story. Their bible study group became dry, boring and wasn’t relevant to their issues. They all found that cutting out planned activities led to a deeper, personal intimacy with the Lord.
Take a walk, leave the Ipod at home and just enjoy his presence. Grab a glass of wine and read Romans. Feel the presence of the Lord while watching golf, football, baseball or when you do the dishes.
God is everywhere. Why not just enjoy Him no matter where you are?
I’ll end with this thought. Christians need to learn to relax. When we accepted Christ, we entered into freedom. Not some form of Jesus plus, where we can only be close to Christ is we serve in a soup kitchen or go on a mission trip to Haiti.
Why not go on a mission trip to Wal-Mart? Why not walk the aisles and love the Wal-Mart mom spanking her kids. Ask Jesus to show you how to love her, even if you never speak to that person?
Folks, our relationship with God is not something to be planned, executed and structured. Discover again to practice spontenaity in your relationship with the Lord and with you spouse.
Beside, in the case of your spouse, you might just discover that sex can be great again.
Let the fireworks begin.
Matt Gillogly
PS. If you think I’m off my rocker and need to be prayed over, I suggest you go buy and read a great book. Practice The Presence Of God. Written by a French Monk in the 13th or 15th century.
Popularity: 5%
THANK YOU!!! This subject is so near to my heart – both of intimacy in marriage and how it reflects intimacy with the Father. That’s why I just wrote a not-so-Christian program called “The Romance Rescue – How to Have Really Great Sex When You’re NOT in the Mood,” so I could sneak in a “restricted reading” section about the Blood Covenant and a Love that’s greater than ours.
Yay for you! And, Practice the Presence of God is a life-changer.
Blessings on you for sure!
Gina
http://www.Theromancerescue.com
The problem I have with this is that it moves us away from spiritual disciplines. Yes, I can see that some times with God have all the great high of an intimate moment with one’s spouse. On the other hand, some times with God need to be the regular disciplined communication. If I only talked and chatted with my wife in those “high” moments where everything seemed to be flowing great, our communication would really suffer. In the moments when we are grumpy, when we are dealing with hard issues, when we are struggling to say what’s on our heart – those are important moments for communication and community and sharing, both with one’s spouse and with God. I think practicing spiritual disciplines of devotion, solitude, study, regularly being with God whether we want to be or not, is important to finding the moments of intimacy.
I totally agree with this article. Oftentimes I liken the relationship wirh God to our marriage, and ‘planned’ communication/ communion/ sharing can oftentimes be hurried and hypocritical. Spontaneity is necessary,real and sweet. Our God designed, yes designed sex. I always liken the infilling of the Holy Gost to that first time with your spouse. God desires to be’in’ us, not just ‘around’ us.
This is an excellent article and why should’nt we use sex (since He created it) to sell the gospel. The World of advertising uses ‘sex’ to sell everything.
Seem’s like maybe that’s what Jesus fought against; the religous spirit that requires us to worship God in a certain way? Besides, surely you don’t believe that God speaks to us today; if so you probably couldn’t hold political office.
Matt-
I am 100% with you on this! I was raised in the church with lots of disciplines. When I went to college I questioned everything as many do, rejecting all but my belief in Jesus, the Son of God. I ventured into rebellious behaviors and walked away from God. When the Holy Spirit lovingly and joyously drew me back to Him, I wanted to “prove my love” and became very legalistic in my Christian walk. I became consumed with doing everything “right,” i.e. early morning devotions, daily Quiet Times, prayer lists, disciplines of dress, food, organization. I was working very hard at being “perfect” and making myself Godly. In doing so my eyes were constantly on my own steps and what I was doing instead of what Jesus was doing in my life. Instead of increasing my joy and connection with the Lord I found that my time with Him began to grow cold and silent. Even reading the Word was flat… just a book.
Praise the Lord, however, when I went to India and Pakistan to “save the world” I discovered that God also wanted to save me from legalism. I was confronted with religions that were way more dedicated and legalistic than I could ever strive to be and to God, our works are as “dirty rags.” These people had no joy and no personal relationship with the living God though they were totally dedicated to their rituals.
Jesus has shown me that my relationship with Him is dependent upon what He does, not what I do. I am to respond, in worship, repentance, praise and joy! I LOVE reading and studying the Bible now not because it is on my “to do” list, but because it is my time with the One I love, who first loved me!
And by the way… the good works still happen… from the overflow of love you feel in your heart!
Enjoy His presence!!
Great article… and I love your courage for writing it. Maybe this goes without saying but I will say it anyway we desparately need both spontanaity and discipline in all of our key relationships. Last night I got up at 2:45 in the morning went to my “prayer chair” and had a great time of fellowship and communiction with the father and when I got up for the day i had my regular “quiet time of study and prayer this is definitely not an either or situation we need both