“I Don’t Love You For What You Do, I Love You For Who You Are.”
January 18, 2010 by Christian Business Daily
It was sometime during the 1st couple weeks of October that these words hit my ears after nearly 60 minutes of brisk walking. I had been doing a lot of praying, lamenting, and accusing during this walk, and this short little phrase turned it all around for me…
It had been just a couple weeks after my “episode” – which I discussed at length in other blog posts – and I was still in the beginning weeks of my sabbatical and just starting to feel some strength and energy come back to my body after many days of weakness and fatigue. I felt pretty good this day, and I recall it was a pretty fair weather day. I set out for my usual trek in the streets of Palos and decided on a particular path that day. I figured on a path that would be a little over 2.5 miles, so I could be out for at least an hour.
Sometimes, as I did this day, I chose to leave my MP3 player at home and instead spend some time in my own thoughts. Many of these thoughts were prayers, perhaps better defined as my attempts to reconcile what I had been going through with Father and figure out what the heck He was doing. I didn’t really like being laid out physically, and was not enjoying carrying the labels “anxious” and “stressed out” given to me by my doctors in front of friends, family, and staff members.
As someone who was a leader in my local church, a CEO of a company, and dedicated family man, this was a major blow to my ego, and a major disruption to boot. After all, it forced me to take sabbaticals from my company and my church office – at quite likely the most sensitive and inopportune time for both. I was needed in both places due to the complexity of issues facing my business and my church, but God decided to take me out of action. How could God make such a foolish decision? Doesn’t he know I’m needed? What will become of my company? my church? This is like pulling Tom Brady in the 4th quarter of a Super Bowl, like having Tony LaRussa sit at home for the 7th game of the World Series!
So as I was walking through Palos some 2 weeks later, I spent a good 50 minutes or so sorting and sifting through things in my mind, and spending a lot of time asking God for an answer to this and an answer to that. I took some time to review with him everything I did for him these many years and wondering what it was all for.
Then I stopped talking. I guess I ran out of things to say and then just started walking the last few blocks home. It must have been about 5 minutes or so where I really wasn’t doing much deep thinking or praying when deep in my spirit, I heard these words spring up and gently hit my ears as if someone had whispered them in the softest voice you can imagine…”I Don’t Love You For What You Do, I Love You For Who You Are”.
I heard it as if it was audible, and I was absolutely aware of who spoke it to me. It wasn’t my inner voice, it wasn’t something I heard and was recalling. This came in a still, small voice, and I immediately knew it was Father. It wasn’t scary, it wasn’t something that brought me to my knees. It was my heavenly Father letting me know a deep truth that he waited for a perfect time to reveal it to me. The time when I was ready to hear it, and a time that I was able to perceive it.
It funny how Father does that, but he knows me better than I know myself. Shoot, I figured that everything I had done for him in the past counted for something and it was “on account” that I could draw on when necessary. I just assumed that God was an accountant and that I had been filling in my credit column for years and had a lot of deposits banked for the right time.
Well, I realized in a moment that my theology was a tad askew. In fact, in a single moment I realized that my value to my Father, both here on earth and in heaven, was not my record and accomplishments, but simply…me. I, you, everyone are all loved by a heavenly father who values us for who we are, not for what we do.
I was reminded of my October walk this past weekend. As we drove to my daughter’s basketball game on this cold, January day, we passed a favorite ice cream parlor of ours. She asked me, “If I get 10 rebounds today, Dad, can we get ice cream?”. For a second I thought that nifty carrot would indeed produce a motivation in her to help her play better, but I surrendered that thought to one the Holy Spirit gave me. I said, “Honey, how about I buy you ice cream after the game just because I love you?”.
Now, I can tell you this thought could have only come from a heart and mind that Father has put inside of me. The look on my daughters face was brighter than the sun, and it was passed on to my wife and my other daughter at the same time. The instant these words left my mouth and hit the atmosphere, I was shown a concrete and never forgettable memory of what my heavenly father thinks about me.
“I love you for who you are, not for what you do.”
Sometimes, when things go bad, we feel jinxed. We feel like everyone is out to get us. We don’t think things will ever go right again. We reason in our minds that it must have been something we did wrong, something we said or did that caused God to look away and cause things to go to hell. We feel as if we didn’t do enough to deserve a blessing, so we feel that everything we’ve done is in vain. Perhaps we bargain with God and promise to do this, that, and the other thing in exchange for this blessing we seek.
However, Father doesn’t play that game. He gives us things we need, and things we don’t need all the time – JUST BECAUSE HE LOVES US. We can get all worked up over the latest crisis and problem in our business and feel that God has left us hanging. Nothing could be farther from the truth. He didn’t go anywhere, and he’s right there with you, dealing with each and every problem that come along the way. And he’s also providing you the gifts and answers to each and every situation that you need, just because he loves us.
What he’s taught me is that within every problem, there’s growth, and with growth, there’s another step in becoming everything he’s made me to be.
Thank you, Abba.
I would love to hear your comments!
Hi Bob,
100% agree with your, or rather, the Father’s statement. I, too, had to reconcile both God’s LOVE and His JUSTICE of my actions. The intrinsic motivation knowing that the Father LOVES us, period, is an awesome source of knowledge and motivation. Resting in HIS work.
I’m in the process of finishing writing my first book and last summer I approached a small (Lena’s) company about doing a joint venture and while we connected and I was eager to “make it happen” it “was not meant to be” for us. I let it go and let God.
Fast forward to last week and when I asked the Father again when my book would be “done” with adding things to it and begin polishing it up for publication. A few days later I heard, just about like you, a “Done!” comment, not quite a still small voice, but not quite an audible one either. I mentioned to my wife, who has been concerned about me “getting it done.” When I told her about my “Done” thought from Father she dropped her mouth. She had prayed just a few days before to Father about when I was to be done with it!!
Today, Lena emailed and said she wants to do the joint venture!! A friend of my wife (a millionaire) also told her that she wants a number of copies of my book to take to a convention next month where about 10,000 people will be attending.
But, it’s not about me, it’s about Him and not being stingy with His blessings, but to pass them on to others.
Thanks for the article.
Kevin
Your Rehema Word is timely and from the Heart of God. We increasingly are focused on us, our needs our plans and so forth, that we foget to set at His Feet and Listen to Him. His word is that He will never leave US…. You have encouraged me with this breakthrough, and now your article releases the same breakthrough for all who will read your words.
His intentions are to bless us, fill us, and give us creative new ideas to advance the Kingdom Here “On Earth as it IS in Heaven”. Lets not focus on the process so much that we forget the reason for US being here, growing businesses and connecting with people.
Thanks, the word is needed today…
Empowered
Bob: Here’s my comment: Wow, that was fantastic! Just what I needed to hear today; thanks for sharing! God’s unending patience, grace & understanding with our “humanness” and “performance mentality” is sometimes incomprehensible. As if we could actually do something to deserve the Cross and its ressurection power! “I love you for who you are; not for what you do!” will get taped to my mirror; I’m sure I will need reminded again!
Thanks again,
T. Runfola
Bob, this is just what I needed to hear today. I had a year of disappointments in 2009. There was hardly a month without disappointment, mostly untimely deaths of friends, or business associates not fulfilling the terms of our contracts.
This new year has a completely different more positive feel, though this is yet to result in new business.
No doubt your word of encouragement from Abba, Pappa God, is something all of us in the ministry of business especially need to hear and understand. Thanks for sharing. I need reminding every day!
Be still and know that I am God. Blessings, Steve.
That is great testimonial it spoke to me. I think every one could see themselves there at one time or another. What a Great Father we have.
I agree with you somewhat but I don’t want people to get the wrong idea. Although “works” and “obedience to God” will not get you saved, “works” and “obedience to God” will be the result of being saved. In other words, if a person is saved, they will bear fruit.
Some Christians think that they can sin all they want and it is ok. They think they can continue to sin all they want and they will be forgiven. They forget that in order to be forgiven, they need to repent (apologize for the sinful behavior and make a vow to discontinue the sinful behavior). Jesus is very clear about this.
Simply believing Jesus is Lord is not going to get you saved. If you are truly saved, your behavior will change and you will bear fruit.
For example, if a guy claims to be a Christian yet he looks at pornography every day, I would have to question whether this guy is truly saved. I’m not saying that we won’t occasionally slip but there is a difference between occasionally slipping and repenting vs intentional disoebdience with no desire to discontinue the sinful behavior.
If we are not obedient to God, will he stop loving us? No, he won’t stop loving us but he will be disappointed in us much in the same way you would be disappointed in your child if he or she disobeys you. You won’t stop loving your child if he or she disobeys you but you will be disappointed in them.
Richard – We essentially both agree because we’re focusing on the motivation to do. Many people go into something with the thought they are doing something for God. I can’t judge anyone’s motivations, but I know in my life, I’ve done things for God with the hope that he’d do me a favor on this other thing I needed. This is where we treat God like a genie.
As you talk about sinning in the face of grace – yes, Paul talks a lot about that. Many people are afraid that if they really took grace at it’s word, they and everyone else would go to hell around them. That somehow, even in the face of grace, we have to still place a spirit of fear and a stern father above us in order to keep us in line. That’s exactly what we do to our kids – we keep them in line. Is God interested in our behavior and keeping us in line? The more I press into this, the less I believe it. Yes, God wants me to not sin, but who has not sinned? He looks past my sin into my new heart and doesn’t count it against me. I’m afraid so much of the evangelical church is a behavioral modification program. It’s all about sinning less than the next guy. If we can sin less, then we’re good. To me, that’s the opposite of freedom. If I’m constantly watching myself and looking out for sin, then I’m a slave to it.
So if you are saved, you MIGHT bear fruit. I’d argue that once you are in a trusting and loving relationship with Father, then you will bear really good fruit because you simply can resist doing thing WITH Father, not FOR him. Perhaps with your kids, or when you were a kid, you did things with your mom or dad. Maybe something like washing a car. You and your dad (or your son or daughter) find shear enjoyment just from the actions. It’s not about the car – it’s about the time together and what it does for your relationship. These are the memories God builds with us when we do things with him.
Blessings, Richard! Thank you for your comments!
Thank you, Tom. There’s really nothing we can do to deserve our life! Amen. Glad I could share this with you.
That’s what loving Father’s do – they encourage and comfort their kids. Stay joyful, Steve!
God’s timing can be MADDENING when you don’t realize what he’s doing. Then, in an instant, it makes sense and you are overwhelmed.
Can you share a link to where your book is being promoted?
Amen!
Thanks, Tim.
Steve McVey has a nice summary of the abundance of grace in his post today.
Dear Bob,
I can relate to your experience, being at the same place. Working hard to move a project forward, and trying to do it in my own strength. “Be still and know that I am God.” Our Father wants us to lean on Him, to seek His face, His fellowship. That’s why He created us. And that is the only way we can build things of gold and silver, and not of hay and stubble.
“It is the Father in Me that is doing the works.” Jesus could do nothing of Himself, except what He saw the Father doing. We cannot do any better than Jesus. God can move mountains for us in a moment, there is no room for busyness. I am still learning this lesson.
Thanks for sharing, Kai.
A sincere thanks is sufficient. Thanks…I,m going for a walk!
[...] heart, and one I wrote about not too long ago. (In case you missed it, here’s the blog post “I Don’t Love You For What You Do, I Love You For Who You Are.” This article from Darin reinforces a truth that Papa is revealing to me, and I hope it encourages [...]