It’s Not Black Or White
July 13, 2010 by Bob Regnerus
So often in our personal lives, our businesses, and our faith, we are always seeking out the question, “Who’s Right?” or “What’s Right?”. This reduces all of life to deciding between 2 colors – black or white. We refer to everything else as “gray area”. In my 40 years of living, I believe that 99.9% of life is lived in the gray area. Very few things can be reduced to 1 of 2 choices. Last time I checked, God uses an entire color spectrum in his creation, so it’s rarely a black or white decision.
I am very close to a delicate situation occurring right now and I’ve been asked by several to provide some wise counsel on what “I thought was right”. Every time I have discussed this matter, my answer has not changed – I said both parties are right, and both parties are wrong. What’s missing from this situation is LOVE.
I said, if party A was showing love, they would be more sensitive to the entire scope of this person’s actions and approach the situation from a perspective of understanding and love versus accusation and forming a postion of being morally “right”.
Party B would understand that personal actions have consequences and ripple effects that are far more reaching than just in their own life, and a position within an organization comes with some written, and unwritten rules.
But far more important than determining who is more right in this situation, I’ve given my opinion that while love appears to be the motivation, love is not the motivation – at least for all those affected. More than that, I told several people that in most situations like this, you can never come to a consensus or acceptable common ground because of the complexity and emotions involved.
I want to refer to a blog post i read today from Steve McVey. The entire post can be read at http://gracewalkministries.blogspot.com/2010/07/musings-of-middle-aged-man.html
For a long time, I thought life was all about right and wrong. “Do right and teach others to do right.” That was my aim. It was the template through which I reared my children, through which I taught my congregation, through which I evaluated myself and others. But I was wrong – seriously wrong. To live that way is to live from “the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.”
Life isn’t about right behavior. Life is about loving relationships. We came into being out of a loving relationship among the members of the Trinity and we exist for loving relationships with Him and with each other.By God’s grace, I’m done with judging people. I’ve learned I can’t even change me, let alone somebody else. I want to just love people, no matter who they are, how they live, what they believe or anything else that used to separate me from others created and loved by our Father. Their behavior isn’t my business. That’s up to God. Loving them is my business.
Jesus came to show us the Father’s love. If He thought it worthy to spend His life doing that very thing, then I assume there’s no higher use of my life than to do the same. I still find myself looking at people through the condescending eyes of judgment sometimes, but I’m asking my Father to free me from that and I’m seeing progress.
I want to love my family with agape love. I want to love my friends that way. I want to love strangers that way. I even want to love those who see me as the enemy that way. It’s a God-sized goal and only He can make it happen in me, but I’m trusting that He will do that very thing.
I just thought Steve nailed it, and I always appreciate God’s timing on providing us wisdom from others when we need confirmation.
Matt and I have blogged often that life and business is not about finding a formula, a set of principles, or the secret door. We all think that we can solve all of our personal and business problems by finding the right answers and following them. Unfortunately, the Kingdom does not operate that way. We operate in a place where up is down and left is right. Answers are not found in books, they are found in a person and unlocked in loving relationships. This is what makes God sing over his Kingdom. His relationship with us, and our relationships with others. He unlocks the mysteries of the universe and life through himself and through those he connects us with in our lifetime.
So let’s not go through life trying to BE RIGHT or FIND THE RIGHT ANSWER. If we miss the love, we miss the answers. We also miss an opportunity when we choose to seek truth over love, and we might even lose a relationship.
What do you think?
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Be careful! You are now leaning too far to the other side. God’s law is still important! Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water. Remember what God says about the law and how we are to judge the angels. If we don’t judge rightly for little things, how will we judge rightly for big things?
1 Corinthians 6:2-3 “Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life!”
Romans 2:13 “For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God’s sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous.”
Romans 3:20 “Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.”
Romans 3:31 “Do we, then, nullify the law by this faith? Not at all! Rather, we uphold the law.”
Romans 5:20 “The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more,”
Romans 7:1 “Do you not know, brothers—for I am speaking to men who know the law—that the law has authority over a man only as long as he lives?”
Romans 7:7 “What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, “Do not covet.”"
Romans 7:12 “So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good.”
Galatians 3:21 “Is the law, therefore, opposed to the promises of God? Absolutely not! For if a law had been given that could impart life, then righteousness would certainly have come by the law.”
1 Timothy 1:8 “We know that the law is good if one uses it properly.”
1 John 3:4 “Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness.”
This sounds like something my brother or brother-in law would say. They are both Gay. Being gay is wrong in gods eyes. This is not a gray area. Neither is my life. Most of your life should be black or white. Yes you should love everybody. I Love these guys but that doesn’t make their life style ok. Is stealing a grey area? How about sex outside of marriage. How about cheating on your taxes. If you say you live your life in the gray area you must be living your life like most of the people in this country where right and wrong is determined by my morals that I have today.